Tuesday, March 01, 2022

NO AUNTIES EVER DO IT!

Thumper is going down to the vet today, to discuss the results of recent blood tests which were part of the yearly check up. Thumper is waking up with a hot beverage and a smoke, staring bleakly into the void while contemplating man's inhumanity to man and the reprehensibility of carnivores with teeth and claws and ravenous appetites towards rabbits.
Thumper is wondering which pipe(s) to stick in his pocket to smoke following his appointment shortly after noon, before or after lunch at a familiar chachanteng.

Wait. Rabbits don't actually have pockets.

Disregard the paragraph above.
"RABBIT RABBIT"

All smokers are Chinese, all of them are men. That, at least, is the impression one might get from a sign on a shop front in Chinatown. As a Caucasian, I feel that I can safely ignore the sign, as it clearly does not apply to me. The writer of that sign does not know that I can read it, and even though I'm standing right in front of it puffing on my pipe (a rather nice old Comoy made Gresham Giant, Canadian shape, filled with red and blonde Virginia), what I am doing must, logically, not be smoking.

各位叔叔們
門口16尺範圍
不准吸煙


"Uncles, within sixteen feet of the doorway smoking is not permitted". How very polite! Addressing recalcitrant old geezers as "uncles" is showing them proper respect.
And other than myself, there was no one else in front of the store.
I moved within seconds of reading the sign.
Despite the store being closed.
And thus unbotherable.

['ko wai suksuk-mun, mun-haau sap lok chek faanwai pat jeun kap yin']

I am charmed by the sign. But baffled by the sixteen feet.
What's so special about sixteen feet?


The sign is not near the hospital where my regular care physician's office is. The sign on the hospital warns that "this facility contains chemicals known to the state of California bla bla bla" precisely like a pack of cigarettes. As all hospitals do. Because our officials know that entering a hospital or holding a pack of smokes present dangers. You might get ill.
Bureaucracy says nothing about sixteen feet.
Must be an oversight.


It is traditional in some corners of the internet to post an illustration at the beginning of each month with the statement "rabbit rabbit". Uttering that, first thing in the morning, brings good luck or deflects the bad juju or something. It's a Waspy superstitious practice. I never actually thought about it -- being surrounded by Dutch speakers while we spoke English at home, I just assumed that it was the done thing -- but after returning to the United States I found out that not everyone was aware of that.

Anyway, that explains the picture of the bunny rabbit above.

You'll just have to imagine a carnivore slobbering.



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