Saturday, March 12, 2022

DISTURBING THE TIME

Tonight marks the change over to daylight savings time. Which means that whereas this morning's walk with a pipe was lovely -- dawn already fully formed, birds tweeting, and all that jazz -- tomorrow it will be dark and gloomy when I stumble out with a trusty briar, braving the fog and the feral street people. Differently put: almost like we will have regressed a month. And no Vietnamese eatery to welcome the weary traveller with something warm and comforting, and a caffeinated beverage, because Nob Hill is not Little Saigon (the Tenderloin), and no way in heck am I going down there in darkness early in the morning.
There are wild things down there.

The more I think about it, a caffeinated beverage after a smoke would be lovely. During it would be even nicer. But one cannot smoke inside at a café any more, because civic minded drooges and do-gooders have decided that public health is best served by chasing us out into the cold to be mugged by heroin addicts and drunkards. For the children.

The precious children cannot be exposed.
Gates of hell might open up.
Mordor.
I'm sorry, at six o'clock in the maternal loving morning I don't tolerate the little wankers very well. Was there some memo I should have read and taken to heart? I didn't get it. Don't bother sending it to me again, just print out a hard copy to give me when you see me.
I'm a Luddite; there is no computer at my desk.

[This essay was typed on an old-school carrier pigeon.]


You know what really triggers little kiddie-winkies and their parents? A nice bowl filled with a Virginia mixture along with the caffeinated beverage and absolutely nothing tofu anywhere! Heartbreak! Despair! Profound self-doubt!
No caffeinated beverage to restore the inner man.
And it's cold and dark outside!



Now, you could say "why don't you leave the house at a later hour?"
The problem is that the streets are filled with grumpy people pooing their dogs then, as well as sourpusses heading to the yoga studio with their sweatmats under their arms.
The quiet and peacefulness has dissipated.


Besides, that's when all the elephants jump out of their treehouses.
Which is why beavers have flat tails.
So no.




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