Monday, August 15, 2022

THAT EXTENDED WARRANTY ETCETERA

Your junk phone calls depend very much on who got your number. Since switching from a land line two years ago to a cell-phone, I no longer get Indian tech scammers trying to break into my computer, but people trying to sell me an extended warranty on a vehicle I do not have because my file "came across" their desk. I haven't driven in decades.
So that particular vehicle is a dead puppy.

In trying to find dental insurance I unleashed a storm of interest among hard working pushy Filippinas keen to sell me cheap, cheap, cheap healthcare solutions, and affordable funeral insurance.

Stan from my local airduct company no longer calls.
A landline equals airducts and ventilation.
Cell phone? Methane breather.

Extended warranties. Healthcare. Corpse storage.


Also no longer keen to contact me are those Republican fundraisers who presumed that a landline meant a crusty old fart who wanted the grand old days of public wippings and vast country estates back.
I must admit that I actually do want public wippings. Sincerely. There are several Republican scum who would be improved by it. Vast country estates, however, in California would mean wine production and snooty neighbors, plus the almost year round danger of wildfires burning down my hot tub, and redneck trailer park foothill fire refugees sheltering in my asbestos car port displacing the Maserati or trashing my artisanal compost heap made with all natural organic materials (and NO gluten).

As a Dutch American descended from a long line of New Amsterdam mercantilists and Scots Presbyterian settlers (the lesser component), it is my considered opinion that the rot in this country started when we let in all those blasted Germans, French, and Cubans. The constant offensive presence of light beer, velouté, and crappy coffee diminished the sheer joy of living in a former colonial possession, and good Chinese and South East Asian foods are but a light amelioration for the cultural dominance of white white white fratboyism, the real house wives, and simple minded right wing religious cults like Lutheranism, Southern Baptists, Methodists, television fundamentalists, and Texas.

[Texas is a religion. There's no other way to explain all that degeneracy. It's repulsive.]


I envision a glorious dream future of sugar cane fields from the East Bay all the way through to the Carolinas, where the smelly gibbering masses swelter under the hot sun for paltry recompense. We must reorganise this country with rum, sodomy, and the lash.


There have been FIVE SIX sales phone calls since six thirty this morning. When I was trying to sleep. Five. Six. I am NOT interested in your cheap burial plots OR the affordable health care options that make Filippinas excited. What is wrong with you people?



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