Thursday, April 30, 2020

GOOD, CLEAN, AND WHOLESOME

Because people are getting desperate, and looking for activities for the whole family during quarantine, may I suggest olive oil? It's good for what ails you, and can benefit any number of projects, organs, and surfaces.


As I suggested in an essay from six years ago:

RUB YOURSELF WITH VASELINE, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO


Well, I actually suggested any number of things there, but self-anointing was one of them. If the apartment is empty, just ponce around bare after covering yourself yelling "I am the messiah!" It feels good!
Better yet if you have an entire farm to yourself.
Best: the campus of Liberty University.

In any case, give it a go. Your skin will feel better, and many of us will love to see the pictures you incautiously spread all over the interwebs in a frantic plea for attention in this cold heartless world where feelings of existential dread and anomie have proliferated. It's what we need right now.
We'll treasure them, and feel connected.
Also a little greasy and unclean.
A small price to pay.


I cannot believe that I've had middle-aged dry skin for so long. Six years already. At least.


Just don't do this in public. Protestants will shy away from you, and the police may wish to cover you with a handy tarp.

I really need to stress that.
This is San Francisco.
A family city.




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