Monday, March 16, 2020


The Bay Area is on lockdown. Pharmacies, banks, grocery stores, gas stations, and laundromats can stay open. Take-out restaurants too. But we're all supposed to practice social distancing. Some of us don't need any practice, we've already perfected it. I am a master. Heck, I might not do laundry for a while, as nicely stinky rags will keep folks away.

Apparently being a pipe smoker is not enough.

Maybe I should stop using teepee?

It's just a thought.

I wasn't supposed to be off tomorrow. And I was actually quite looking forward to working with "T" on Tuesdays because she is nice to work with, and I don't have to worry about some things "inexplicably going kabloeie".
Sweet Jayzus, I hope none of my other coworkers are reading this.
It's the eggplant incident, guys, the eggplant.
And "bowel issues".

I've always wanted to become an expert at folding toilet paper origami, and now's my chance.

In all honesty, with the bakeries and restaurants where I go for lunch and tea-time snackies closed down, I am not sure what I will do. I've relied on those places for hubbub and human contact on my days off, as well as observing people in a natural environment. Plus further education. I may end up watching cooking videos instead. And making crank phone calls.

If you see someone at an abandoned bus stop dancing a stately arthritic dance to spring, with a pipe in his mouth, that's probably me. Feel free to interact, or clap, from at least six feet away.

For the most part, we're supposed to stay at home. By ourselves. Not cursing at the occasional blind sales call, or 'Stan from your local air-duct service centre', "Reggie" from the Indian computer technical support company you can't remember ever signing up for, or that lady who keeps demanding to speak to 'the person who is responsible for the utility bills'.

Sorry, the lady of the house is not in.
We do not have a service contract.
So, what are you wearing today?
Nothing? Perfect! Me too!
Are you "humanoid"?

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