Thursday, December 17, 2020


Yesterday evening there was an envelope in my mailbox stamped "Time Sensitive Material Enclosed". Oh my, what could it be? Was it a surprise gift? Something nice? A love letter from a secret admirer? Chocolates? "Our records show that you are due for a colorectal cancer screening. Colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer."
Inside was a user friendly kit for a fecal sample.

Well, it's actually not that user friendly.
There are complex instructions.

My doctor, quite commendably, is on a hunt for ailments. And, once you pass forty, sometimes things go wrong. Other than the colorectality, everything else has been checked and fixed, but a burning curiosity remains.

"We're surprised the old goat ain't dead yet; he's loaded to the gills with caffeine and capsaicin. He should've exploded by now."

"Everyone stand back."

I don't know about you, but a request for a mailing of certain things -- the hunt for intelligent life in the universe, as it were -- requires thought. So I'm pondering right now. What is my course of action? Will the recipient, a lab in North Carolina, be pleased with a prompt response?
Will they sneer at or make fun of the material?

What happens it's lost in the mail?

Years ago I was involved with a second hand bookshop that bought bins of lost books from the postal service. I priced the East Asian language material for sale, because I could figure out the subjects, scripts, and potential desireability of such things.

I do NOT want to even consider the after-market for biological samples lost in transit; I'm sure there is one. There are folks out there pursuing their American Dream WHERE EVER it leads.

Understandably, I hesitate.

Readers will no doubt grasp that this was not on my agenda for today. It seems more appropriate to get it to the Post Office next week, right before Christmas.

Today's plans involve smoking a pipe.
Which I am doing right now. Later I will send off a fixed pipe stem to a friend, after which I shall head into Chinatown to buy vegetables and some essential groceries, then home for tea and a book. The pipe stem and the groceries are more time sensitive. The first because my friend is anxiously awaiting it, the second because it can go bad if not attended to expeditiously.

My random sample can assuredly wait.
No need for refrigeration.
It will keep.

I am duty bound to eat more vegetables over the next few days in order to make a good impression. I will need some bacon to make them more delicious.
My resolve in this matter is firm.


NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

1 comment:

Spiros said...

Welcome to the one week in the year when you wonder whether you have colorectal cancer...

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