Wednesday, December 02, 2020

CUTESY POO

There is a television in the teevee room, but I almost never turn it on. Sometimes when I come home it's playing -- usually Valley Of The Dolls, or Straight Jacket feauturing Joan Crawford, those being the two movies with which my apartment mate is currently obsessed -- but I myself rely on the internet for moving images. Consequently, I am not as exposed to some of the current tropes as perhaps I should be. Maybe it's a grievous failing on my part.
But, thanks to my friends, I do know who the hell Baby Yoda is.
Cuteness personified. As well as the overlap between maudling, infantile, nauseating, and just plain nasty. Set in a fantasy universe from which Americans cannot escape.


Over the years I have been somewhat exposed to the Star Wars Franchise, and in particular the sad ending of Attack Of The Clones, when the huge wild beasts do NOT get dinner in the Petranaki Arena, due to the arrival of reinforcements.
Obviously I was rooting for the monsters.
I was fed-up with the heroes.
As were others.

Visually the movies are spectacular. But Jesus, what pablum crap.


This morning, because John O. in Florida Georgia wrote a post slagging Baby Yoda, my reading took me to the following:

Acklay: An Acklay is a large non-Sentient creature resembling a praying mantis. It is a crustacean. It is equipped with three eyes and six legs with four digits each, the fourth of which terminates in an elongated scythe-like claw and has a crest to protect its long neck from aerial attacks. As a carnivore, it possesses a mouth full of long, sharp teeth that it uses for catching fish.

Reek: The reek is a large quadrupedal mammal native to the plains of Ylesia in Hutt space, and often bred on ranches on that world's Codian Moon. Large tusks protrude from their cheeks, which they use for headlocks in contests for dominance among their own kind. One central horn is used to attack an opponent head-on. While they are herbivores by nature, they are often fed meat to make them vicious and are then used for exhibition sport as execution animals.

Nexu: Nexus are felines from the planet of Cholganna. Nexus possess tooth-filled jaws that cover most of their spade-shaped heads. They are covered in tan-brown fur, which helps them blend into the background of their native prairies. The stripes also aid in hiding out in the rainforest brush. The four-legged carnivores have four eyes also, as the second set, situated next to the first, can see in infrared to find hidden prey. They also feature a split ended tail, covered underneath with two rows of suction cups used to climb and swing from tree to tree in their forest home.

[Source: List of Starwars Creatures - Wikipedia.]

A giant space lobster, a carnivorous pig-rhino, and a cross between a pitbull and a tiger. Most emphatically not cute, and therefore impressive and worth knowing more about.
Key question: are they edible?


What the Starwars Franchise needs, obviously, is a cross-over between Crocodile Hunter and Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey, plus some elements of 'Down And Out In Paris And London'. The occupants of a nature reserve on a fictional planet get caught and cooked; sometimes they escape, hilarity and bloodshed ensue.
I'd probably watch that.


Everything with Bearnaise Sauce.
Also lots of swearing.
And sambal.



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