Monday, December 21, 2020

THE LIZARD PEOPLE

Apparently I am not a breeze of sunlight, according to someone at work. But some people seem to believe that in some ways I am the wise elder, source of good advice.

I shall do my best to disabuse them of that.


"Go ahead, name your daughter 'Iguana'. It sounds classy."


And then, years later, someone will ask: "Hey Buck, what's your girlfriend's name?" And Buck will happily respond: "Iguana, Iguana Jones."

For advice that could change your life, come to me.
I also do amateur psychological counseling.
It will re-align your traumas.
No extra charge.


When you're halfway up the face of Half Dome, stop to smell the roses. Have a cigar and empty your pocket flask. There are no passers-by to object. It's perfect.
Watch out for gravity, though. It has a way of sneaking up.


Iguanas have keen vision and can distinguish shape, shadow, colour, as well as things moving a long way off. This helps them navigate crowded stores and head straight for the Twinkies.

They are Vegan.

Male iguanas have two hemipenes and are promiscuous, like many Vegans.
They like mangoes. Do not let them anywhere near your shoulders.
If like me you had read Wikipedia you would know why.


Iguanas will easily mate with dead Republicans. This accounts for all the zombies not wearing masks; squamatids aren't subject to Corona Virus infections like normal humans.

Iguanas are the most Christmassy of animals.
They'll stand in for everythings else.

All they want is your love.




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