At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Tuesday, August 02, 2016


Five years ago, in answer to a bachelor friend's query, I described the ideal woman. Perhaps that was not the right time to do that. I was still somewhat a mess after my own split-up half a year previously. Let me be the first to admit that sometimes I am not entirely right. In the head.

And oh heck, me giving anybody advice is just wrong. I'm the man who wants to provide grammar school kids with lessons in rhetoric. Manifestly a BAD idea, because they'll just out-argue us grown-ups, among whose ranks I nominally count myself. That speaks volumes about a lack of judgment.

So I'd like to offer that the ideal woman likes meat, has no tattoos, and doesn't chew with her mouth open.

That last item is very important. I now know in overmuch detail what the fresh-faced young lady at the other table was eating last night, and let me tell you the sight of a quesadilla being slowly masticated detracted enormously from her pinkness.

I don't know nearly so much about the food choices of her friends, as not a single other orifice at the table was in my direct line of sight.

It is possible that she may have been the fifth wheel.

Possibly her date had already been exposed.

And had inexplicably chickened.

"She likes meat, lacks tattoos, closes her mouth."

And dresses properly. During lunch yesterday I got far too good a view of a middle-aged dame's flamboyant tramp stamp. Why on earth would anybody have a smiling fat Buddha inked right above their bum?
Admittedly my meal was in Marin County (at work), so I should have been used to flashes of dubious judgment and weird self-indulgence, they're all creative free spirits there with meaningfulness in their lives, but it was never the less a bit much at that moment.

The ideal woman is nice to be with.

And is not run of the mill.

She is hard to find.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


  • At 11:50 AM, Anonymous e-kvetcher said…

    Damn, I thought you were going to say "Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head
    so that you can put a pint of beer on it." ;)

  • At 1:09 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…




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