Wednesday, October 23, 2019


Sometimes people have to get in touch with their wilder and more ethnic side. Such as the other day, when an Aztec and a Hawaiian were talking far too long about spirituality and mysticism in my presence, and you can well imagine what that did to my mental state. Seeing as I am so white I glow in the dark, and consequently devoid of any spirituality whatsoever. Or mysticism. My culture substituted caffeine for both of those.

As a reminder of my wilder side, here are two recipes from the bush.
Where I have never been, and considering the prevalence of deadly mosquito and fly borne ailments, will probably avoid ever visiting.
But I digress. To the kitchen! Time for lean striped meat!

I would substitute water buffalo or wild horse.
Others might choose turkey.


Two pounds of zebra, cut into chunks.
Two onions, chopped.
Half a dozen tomatoes, peeled seeded and chopped.
One pound of spinach or chard, washed and chopped.
One cup of Myembwe sauce (moambé sauce, nyembwe sauce, or canned palm soup base aka sauce graine).
Juice of one or two lemons.
Garlic, ginger, chilies, minced.
Olive oil.
Pinch of salt.

Mix the lemon juice with garlic, salt, and chilies. Rub meat with this and let sit for an hour. Brown the onions in a large casserole, then add the meat and brown it also.
Add the tomatoes and water to generously cover, simmer for about an hour (longer if it was a tough old beast). Then add the chopped greens and the myembwe sauce, and cook till the vegetables are soft.

Serve with fried plantains and fufu or rice.


Two pounds of zebra, cut into chunks.
Two cups of crumbled roasted peanuts.
Two large onions, chopped.
Juice from one or two lemons.
Half a dozen chopped green chilies.
Plantain leaf – one or two whole leaves.

Cook the peanuts, meat, and onion with a little water for about twenty minutes till stiff. Take a plantain leaf and pull off the central rib (cut across the rib, flip the edge of the blade underneath the rib, and pull). Trim the leaf to a large rectangle. Sprinkle some salt on the leaf, and place the meat mixture on one side. Flavour it with the lemon juice and chilies. Now fold over all ends to make a secure package within several layers of plantain leaf, and tie it up like a postage parcel. Place on a rack in a large pot and steam for over an hour.
Unwrap at the table and serve with corn mush.

Like Jamie Oliver and Jollof Rice, this is blatant cultural appropriation. Tough. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing. Just be glad I'm not wearing baggy Nigerian Kinte cloth pants and a white kungfu jacket.

On second thought, that would be appropriate.
A snazzy personal style statement.

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