Monday, December 26, 2022

SNOW PLOW BROKEN, SCHOOL CANCELLED

As is typical for this time of year, parts of this great country are, because of extreme winter weather, absolute disaster zones; Wyoming, Montana, both of the Dakotas, Chicago, Buffalo, Oakland, my feet (especially the one on the right), and the bathroom. Oakland is eternally a disaster zone, the right foot has buckets wrong with it and a bad attitude, and before I switch on the heater the bathroom is freezing. The news broadcasts have mentioned all the others.
And Texas, where they can't seem to organize a decent electricity grid.
Their traditional way of dealing with it is Cancun.
Just a first class ticket away.

Last week several people mentioned to me that they were motoring up to Tahoe for a few days. This evening a wall of rain will move into Northern California, turning into a wall of snow at higher elevations. Tahoe will get covered, and the roads become impassable.
I'm envisioning Donner Party conditions up there.
Skiing and dead bodies.

You know, that sounds like a blast. Good luck to you guys. Have fun. We'll read about it down here in the city when it's all over, while feasting on everything you gave up for your wonderful winter horror show. Ducks, turkeys, racks of beef. Fully stocked liquor cabinets, hot beverages, and fancy desserts.
Per the weather reports, the storm will blow in by dinner time, and continue for nearly a day. Then a brief respite, followed by several more days of nastiness.

For those of us not driving up to Tahoe to get snowed in and forced to consume kinfolk to survive, or burn their fatty corpses in a corner of the ski lodge, it will be umbrella weather (described as a solid wall of rain, like what is pictured above) and an opportunity to enjoy several invigorating cups of tea inside, in the warmth and comfort of our homes.
Occasionally venturing out for the purchase of foodstuffs and pastries.

Oh it will be lovely!

I myself do not have to return to work until Friday. So I'm thinking a lot of time twiddling my toes under a warm blanket, in between trips outside for pipeful, or jaunts to Chinatown for snackiepoos, lunch, groceries, and hot milk tea.

Every year at this time there are people on the internet pipe forums complaining that smoking outside is impossible, it's too cold, the wife and kids won't let them smoke indoors, the porch heater is busted, they have to hose off naked in the yard to get rid of the smell, it's horrible, how do the rest of you do it, and I can't feel my fingers or nose I think they froze off.

Living in San Francisco, where we never get snow, I feel for them.
We spend all of our time eating croissants and caviar.
When we're not outside with an umbrella.
Oh, the humanity!



POST SCRIPTUM

Life is tough here in San Francisco, where we don't have decent cheesecake or bagels or pizza or barbecue, and no grits or baked beans or chowder! Crikey!



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

No comments:

Search This Blog

THEY'RE FILLED WITH NUTS!

One of my earliest grammar school memories naturally involves chocolate. Of which I was fonder than many of my classmates, who preferred Dut...