Monday, December 19, 2022


Yesterday my paintings of crabs were mentioned. Including the three which featured crabs smoking pipes. What was NOT discussed was the tobacco crustaceans would enjoy. Now, what would be appropriate, given their surroundings, might be Navy Flake, but I feel that as nature's little contrarians and rebels, the carapaced critters would, if they smoked pipes, perhaps tend toward something far less predictable, more ironic. Hobbit's Weed.
That being a compound invented decades ago by Tewksbury in Denver.

Two parts BCA, one part Lane's Very Cherry, and one part Sutliff 1M. Respectively: black vanilla cavendish, cherry Virginia -burley - cavendish, and burley - Virginia - black vanilla cavendish.

Such a product would leave their pipes wet.
A tendency of aromatic concoctions.

The more mature individuals among them would eschew it, having learned over the years that hobbits have hairy calves, bad taste, and a horrid habit of playing D&D or other jejune role-playing games when more than two of them are gathered. Or talking nonsense about LotR, Startrek, and Anime. At great and sickening length.
Also, hobbits reek of rancid vanilla. Ick poo.

On second and third thought, they'd more likely smoke full English blends, and for all the world pretend they were college boys at Berkeley. A tweed coat, three pipes as the absolute minimum (including a Ropp cherrywood for those late nights swotting Virgil and Suetonius), and a tendency to hide a bottle of Port or Sherry behind the multivolume encyclopaedia on the third shelf over in the library.

They'd have a weakness for one of the librarians; a shy little moray eel with spectacles.
She's much more exciting than she realizes. Plus rather kittenish.

I remind my readers that I too have an old cherry wood.
Actually, I have more than one such item.
They're not made anymore.
That's sad.

Plus, as a specimen of something appropriately professorial looking, AND quite suitable for motoring down to the seashore at Sealthong Point on a summer Sunday, a rather lovely Ropp Montagnard.
You'll note that it has a cherrywood shank interstice.
It is dashing and gallavantish.

This is why college students really must take classics courses. It's essential for a developed mind, necessary perspectives and cultural depth, and it makes them more interesting and rewarding to be around. And there will be eels.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


Alcyon said...

Great Scott man, surely the tobacco choice of crabs is obvious: Virginias, either straight-up or with a bit of something for interest's sake.

Handled with care, neither crabs nor Virginias are particularly dangerous. Pity the unwary and the nip they'll inevitably get.

And, if the interwebs are to be trusted, why wouldn't they be?, everything evolves to become crabs. Just as a pipe smoker really should put aside the childish things and take to proper Virginia blends as they evolve.

I may be under the influence of my smoke today: Stokkebye's Luxury Bullseye Flake. Fresh, a little insipid, sometimes even coarse. With age, my jar is nigh on to seven years old, it becomes a dark-coloured, rich, smooth, and fruity tasting wonder!

I only wish I aged half as well...

The back of the hill said...

Stokkebye Bullseye is a classic. And exactly the same as Davidoff Flake Medallions. Age does wonders, so does a little stoving.

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