Thursday, December 22, 2022


You may have overlooked National Short Girl Appreciation Day, which was yesterday, the shortest day of the year. I certainly did, and I didn't see it coming is why. I spent yesterday proximal to elderly men of normal size who smelled bad. I did my best to alleviate that by smoking my pipe. Besides commiserating with one or two of the old reptiles over their horrible cigar reek, tight-fitting yet leaky diapers, and recent election losses.

As a pipe smoker naturally I vote Democrat.
And fervently dislike football.
Bah humbug.

Many of the non-short girl demographic at work cheered for Herschell Walker and wet their old geezer knickers over football. There will be a football game on the telly during my next work day, so it should be a madhouse. And probably be no short girls on site at all, all day.

Truth be told, I think I would prefer the presence of short girls during a football game. They would be considerably more interesting than antiquated lizards screaming at big hulking glandular freaks wearing shiny fabric pounding each other into the astroturf.
Heck, man, I know I would! I am keenly disappointed that I missed the grand parade down Market Street, with the colourful floats and all the short girls demonstrating their stature pride, plus balloons and dancing. Social and cultural organizations represented by contingents of short girls. Politicians and beauty queens. Celebrities.

I'm still waiting for a 'National Grumpy Middle-Aged Dutch American Day'. Even though none of us would sign up for a marching contingent or any of the cultural activities. We sit at home revelling in our day, smoking our pipes, and lighting votive candles in front of portraits of Presidents Roosevelt and Van Buren.

Imagine oompah bands.

FYI: grumpy middle aged Dutch Americans like short girls.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

No comments:

Search This Blog


One of my earliest grammar school memories naturally involves chocolate. Of which I was fonder than many of my classmates, who preferred Dut...