AN OFFER OF CHEESE

A meme going around on the internet lists several incantations, spells, amulets, and lures for the female gender, for men to use when they are desperate to attract a mate. Item three is cheese. Apparently one can "fascinate" the feminine gender with cheese.

I'm not quite sure how this would work. It seems bizarre. And I refuse to walk around with a lump of cheese just to test it out.


"Hello, miss, can I tempt you with some cheese?"


I'd probably end up with the female equivalent of John Cleese. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Peckish. Esurient. Engaged in Walpoling activity.

Or I might get arrested.


"You may fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese"


As an icebreaker in a singles bar (do those even still exist?) the phrase "can I tempt you with some cheese" is perhaps not perfect. "Let's blow this joint, the boutique des fromages is still open" might be better, but we're still talking about a woman in a singles bar. If she couldn't figure out where to get some cheese when the fancy struck her, she might not fulfill all the requirements intellectually.
And I can assure you that not a single person has ever come up to me and sorrowfully or in distraught fashion implored for directions to the nearest fromagerie pronto please.
Maybe it's my scowly face. I do not radiate cheese joy.

Red Leicester, Tilsit, Caerphilly, Bel Paese, Red Windsor, Stilton, Gruyère, Emmental, Norwegian Jarlsberg, Liptauer, Lancashire, White Stilton, Danish Blue, Double Gloucester, Cheshire, Dorset Blue Vinney, Brie, Roquefort, Pont l'Evêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carré de l'Est, Boursin, Bresse-Bleu, Perle de Champagne, Camembert; Gouda, Edam, Caithness, Smoked Austrian, Sage Derby, Wensleydale; Greek Feta, Gorgonzola, Parmesan, Mozzarella, PipoCrem', Fynbo, Czechoslovakian sheep's milk cheese, Cheddar; Ilchester, Limburger.....

A woman who does not automatically think of The Cheese Shop sketch is probably not an ideal help meet. As a Netherlander (though 100% American), cheese for me has an importance in the grand scheme of things that can scarce be exaggerated. Though dietarily it's more an intellectual fancy than something I frequently put into practice.

My apartment mate keeps the cheese supply well-stocked.
Which is odd, because she's of Chinese ancestry.
Chinese are not very great cheese eaters.
Maybe fromage fascinates her.

Understandable.



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