Thursday, February 20, 2020


The apartment mate is on the phone talking with someone about food. She's sneering about a gluten-free kale burrito. Which is something that anyone can tell was invented by my people, for my people. Which she didn't say, thank you Jesus, but lordy we've come up with some strange shiznit.
We hyper-inventive white people.
Gluten-free kale burritos.
Good lord.

She stated to the phone person that she preferred a burrito with fat in it.
Like, I would imagine, a carnitas burrito. Though there's probably a version of carnitas made with tofu, invented by a white person. No offense meant to white people (of which I am one), but unless you dingoes are going to do weird things with your own cuisine, please step out of the kitchen.

Bubble and squeak made with tofu. Black pudding made (entirely) with tofu. Bangers and mash? Pure tofu bangers. Yummy.

The world is waiting for precisely such a thing.

It will save the planet.


One pound fried tofu cubes bought at a market in Chinatown.
Three cloves of garlic, minced.
Two Tablespoons of sambal oelek or sambal badjak.
Two bunches (one pound) kale, rinsed and chopped.
Half a cup chicken stock.
Quarter cup sherry.
Dash of fish sauce.
Hefty pinch of sugar.
Salt and pepper.
Lime wedges.

Plus: Thick slices of French bread or sourdough drizzled with olive oil, and baked on an oiled sheet in the oven till nicely golden.

And: Six rashers of bacon cut in large pieces across, fried till almost crispy, with two to four tablespoons of the grease reserved.

First reduce the chicken stock, sherry, and fish sauce by two thirds with the pinch of sugar added.
Heat up the bacon grease in a roomy fry pan, add the garlic and stir about, then add the sambal and chopped kale, stir around a few seconds on high heat, pour the reduced stock and sherry mixture into the pan and dump in the tofu and bacon pieces, toss till heated through. Add salt and pepper. Serve with the toasted slices of bread for crunch.
Lime wedges for squeezing.

Generally speaking, kale is best sauteed with bacon grease, and goes well with good sausages, all of it served sloppy with both sambal and a decent grainy mustard, or Tierenteyn from Belgium.

Kale is also suitable for a stamppot, especially if you have a source of smoked sausages. But you could use fried pork belly instead.
Or nice chunks of carnitas.

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