WHEN YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR OWN MISTAKES
There is very little middle-ground. It is a no-man's land.
Incoming volleys from both sides.
The great war.
It's a battle that the sweet-perversion crew have morally lost, though their numbers are immense. They are still downstairs in the den pretending to be Gandalf, playing World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons, and dreaming of brainless hot manga babes.
As a flexible multi-faceted and extremely curious man, and very tolerant besides, I occasionally visit their world.
LIST OF AROS
Follows a sampling of aromatic pipe tobaccos you could smoke on a desert island for a few weeks without going incurably mad. They'll remind you of your grandfather, and that skeevy Eastern European who ran the candy store near your school.
1-Q [Lane Ltd.]
Golden Cavendish, Virginia, and the faintest touch of Kentucky. Despite the vanilla and caramel, this product does deliver solid tobacco satisfaction, and it has that old-timey smell that many people associate with pipes and the people that smoke them. Needs to be dried out; too wet, and there is a humectant.
Similar to Captain Black Royal.
But far less bitey.
4TH. GENERATION 1957 [Scandinavian Tobbaco]
An extremely well-constructed product for many people who will never get it, and Europeans. There's vanilla. But it has some quality Virginia.
Despite the Burley content, it is mild.
ALSBO GOLD [Assens Tobaksfabrik]
Vanilla and nougat on a base of shredded packing cardboard.
Tasteless and chemical, except for the bite.
ASTLEY'S NO. 2 [Kohlhase & Kopp]
A very pleasant old-fashioned Virginia, allegedly with Perique, but also a hint of clove. Strange, but quite enjoyable. Autumn for eccentrics. Think of warm fire, cup of tea, and family members who stay away because they know you are best left alone. Very much a rainy weather smoke.
AUTUMN EVENING [Cornell & Diehl]
A very subdued aromatic, based on Red Virginia Cavendish with maple syrup and maple essence added. Decent on its own, and also a good blender. Even purists can probably find something to like.
Your surroundings will actually appreciate it.
I've got a few tins stashed.
Virginia and Burley with sweet sacramental wine.
You have many choices in life.
BCA [Lane Ltd.]
Green River Burley cooked till black, and souped-up with vanilla. This is fundamental to very many house aromatics, but also smoked straight by a lot of people. Two things I must mention: most burn-outs that I have seen were pipes whose owners huffed this stuff, and it is EXACTLY the same as Grant's Olde Drum. If you mail-order this from a brick-and-mortar, under whatever name, thank you, but you are an idiot.
BLOOD RED MOON [Cult]
Cherry, chocolate, and vanilla. No. Please don't. This is what happens when tobacco experts realize that some of their clientele are tasteless vulgarians, and decide to push the envelope. It is an extremely well-made aromatic. Probably the best damned cherry blend available.
Deservedly popular, an all-round winner.
Top notch tobacco.
BLUE NOTE [Dan Tobacco]
G effing damn.
BORKUM RIFF BOURBON [Lane Ltd.]
You can hate this. But it won't kill you.
BORKUM RIFF CHERRY LIQUEUR [Lane Ltd.]
BORKUM RIFF WHISKEY [Lane Ltd.]
BORKUM RIFF SPECIAL NO. 8 [Swedish Match]
A sample was passed out by a travelling salesman four years ago. I've gone through three pouches since then. Very pleasant. It has every tobacco in the book, but blended with considerable intelligence.
Vanilla and nougat.
CAPTAIN BLACK GRAPE [Lane Ltd.]
Smoked several bowls while it was in the development stages. No bite. Scant tobacco flavour. Hugely grape. And grape soda. And grape ice cream. And grape chews. If you like candy, this is it.
Ghosted one pipe, did not ghost the other.
Grape, grape, grapeti-grape.
CONDOR READY RUBBED [Gallaher Ltd.]
An old classic. No, not a good tobacco. But good in the same way that schoolboy perversion is good. Has a floral soap aroma in the pouch, and is allegedly based on some decent flue-cured leaf. Outdoorsy, and improves that typical stale beer smell that most pubs have. Not too cloying in small living quarters, except in winter.
CONNOISSEURS CHOICE [Peterson / Orlik]
Black Cavendish and a variety of Virginias, fruits, rum, vanilla. Mostly dark. This is extremely nasty. And exceptionally well made. The vanilla seems dominant if you dry it out a little. It is a very gentle tobacco when packed carefully, and enjoyable all around. Yes, after a while the smell will seem cloying, if you have any shred of decency, but if you are into role playing games or porn surfing, it may very well be the best thing you do.
Smoke it slow, because of the preponderance of flue-cured.
DEEP HOLLOW [McClelland]
A variety of Virginias treated with only minor disrespect. Apple, vanilla, caramel. A pleasant smoke that won't offend the people around you, and if they are Lord of the Rings fans, they may like it immensely. Exceptionally smokeable. Like many McClelland products it induces contemplation.
This is a solid product.
ENNERDALE FLAKE [Gawith Hoggarth]
Very decent, if you ignore the smell of pissoir disinfectant.
ERINMORE FLAKE [Orlik]
There is a fourteen month supply sitting on the top shelf of the bookcase near my computer desk. Dressed with essence of pineapple and perhaps the faintest touch of licorice. Underneath the fruit it is a very fine tobacco, and beloved by many old men who smoke shitty pipes. Because it is very likeable. That smell. Old-timey. Brings back memories. I will not easily admit in public that I like this, and I will not often smoke it, but it is soundly constructed and despite the perfume, which is scarcely evident after the first few puffs, it is a decent flake that renders down to a fine ash.
But do not smoke this fast, or you will regret it.
Very slow, on the cusp of going out.
FIELD & STREAM [House of Windsor]
Bad Burley made worse. Much worse.
A typical American product.
HIGHLAND PIPER [McConnell / Kohlhase & Kopp]
Virginia, Perique, fruit perfume. And maybe chocolate. It is not heavy, and can be very agreeable. Especially to delicate females. Who should buy some of their own. Nothing stands out, and you could smoke this several times. Not a severe tobacco by any means.
It is fruity. Fruity. Fruity.
IWAN RIES THREE STAR BLUE [Sutliff]
JOHN SINCLAIR HIGHLAND SLICED [Orlik]
Dark gratifying Virginia flakes, sprinkled with booze, honey, and something citrussy. On the whole a remarkably good product. Very satisfying.
MOLTO DOLCE [Sutliff]
Precisely what tobacco should not be. Very popular. Vanilla, chocolate, honey, caramel, and possibly coconut. With the merest suggestion of something minty or mentholated. Do you remember that scene from the movie The Mummy where Brendan Fraser feels the two-thousand year old corpse? "It's still ... moist!" Precisely so. Tin opened three years ago.
It should be bone-dry by now.
PALLADIN BLACK CHERRY [Lane Ltd.]
Underrated. Deservedly so.
PETER HEINRICH'S DARK STRONG FLAKE
Probably made by the Danes. Strong, robust, and too much anethole. This will get you kicked out of civilized cigar bars in downtown San Francisco, with the recommendation to seek help, and never come again.
PLUM CAKE [Germain & Son]
Strange but enjoyable. Mostly Virginia, and very ribbony. In fact, I liked it so much I bought the last four enameled tins, but I dare not open them, because they are the last four enameled tins.
RLP-6 [Lane Ltd.]
Virginia and Burley, Cavendish. And all of it somewhat cavendishized. Vanilla, chocolate, honey. Coarser and somewhat more assertive than 1-Q. Very fat Gandalf smokes this, in the pear-wood churchwarden pipe from an Ukranian outfit that he bought off the internet. Like 1-Q it is available at every tobacconist in the country, and one of the most popular blends.
A solid every day aromatic.
Not overly sweet.
UNIVERSITY FLAKE [Peterson / Orlik]
WESTMORLAND MIXTURE [Samuel Gawith]
A medium Balkan with a shpritz of tonquin.
Suitable for late summer.
Very nice indeed.
If reading about these products leaves you feeling slightly nauseous, you might enjoy some other lists:
FLAKES: A BRIEF PERSONAL INTRODUCTION
Mostly about Virginia leaf under pressure.
APPRECIATING MORLEYSSON -- BLENDS BY BOB RUNOWSKI
Burley mixtures by the last master of that genre.
GREG PEASE REVIEWED - A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLING OF HIS OEUVRE
From a few years ago, and does not include his most recent products. Descriptions of many things Greg has done.
DRUCQUER & SONS LTD - PIPE TOBACCO BLENDS REMEMBERED, AND A DISCUSSION OF TOBACCOS AND TIPS
One of the first things about tobacco on this blog.
BORING TOBACCO POST
Baai tabak, which is a tobacco category dear to me.
Actually, I was planning to do my laundry and get out of the house early today. Instead, I wrote about dried leaves. This evening I may research "My Little Pony" on the internet. Surely a subject for intelligent men?
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
Labels: Fruitloop tobacco