VILE GHOSTS

One of the problems with pipe smoking is that your nearest and dearest might encourage you to smoke aromatics, because they're more "tolerable" than decent pipe tobacco, and eventually you end up with briars that reek nightmarishly of stale and slightly rotten mango raspberry parfait. As do your carpets. And drapes, upholstery, and underwear. Then your wife or husband leaves you, by which time you've lost the taste for smoking entirely because that perfumed stuff has become monotonous, and you end up an alcoholic getting wasted on fruity umbrella drinks in Tenderloin taverns.

Aromatic pipe tobaccos, many people say, remind them fondly of their grandpa. An elderly syphilitic confined to a retirement home with Nurse Ratched quality staff, who died decades ago alone and unloved in a car crash; he took his stationwagon out on the highway and lost control surrounded by chicken ranches in Petaluma, covered in feathers, beaks, and guts.
No one attended the funeral, as they had forgotten about him.

The lesson here is: smoke clean tobacco.
And avoid stationwagons.


Years ago I smoked several bowls of a cherry blend out of curiosity, and noted that it was clean-burning and didn't goop. Which was good. Problem was that unthinkingly I took one of the pipes to a cigar bar several days later, loaded it up, and within seconds discovered that what I thought was going to be a nice Latakia-rich smoke was queered. Moments later the barman came busting out from behind the counter demanding to know who was smoking that vile sh*t. "Oh, not you, I know you". While he was harassing the other pipe smokers I quietly put the pipe down and opened the window a little more.

When he went back to the counter I suggested it might have been those young fellas vaping outside on the sidewalk. You know? The pipe has recovered.

SAVINELLI DELUXE MILANO 7003 KS -- THIN SHANKED BILLIARD

It's a pipe of which I've grown very fond. It's exceptionally jaunty, and I think it makes me look superior and glibly arrogant, like a dashing young fellow half my age. Positively collegiate.

There are some aromatics which are subtle and pleasingly depraved.
Most of them are brash, garishly reeking, and vulgar.
A few smell like a lingerie drawer.



I think I'll take this pipe with me when I head out for lunch later.
The perfect dessert after black bean fish and rice.



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