Tuesday, September 27, 2022


If you look at many review sites, you notice that people take pictures of their food. Which is understandable, because their loved ones cannot pose so appealingly, and often detract from the dining experience. Especially kids. "What is daddy doing?" little Molly will ask, to which the answer is "making food porn".

What's 'porn'?

"Errm, eh, urk, mmm, urh; it's what your uncle Walter has an unfortunate addiction to, just like crack cocaine, that's why his marriage to Gertruda went down the tubes and he got divorced. It's also why he didn't get custody of Herbert and Winthrop."

The internet was invented for three things. Conspiracy theories, kitten pix, and food porn.
Which is why absolutely nothing gets done in offices anymore.
And why the pandemic was a blessing.
Work from home.

I do not take pictures of food.
I draw it using Paint.

It's probably better for my cholesterol. I've only eaten two of the items pictured above in the past month. What I had for a snack two hours ago was a hot apple turnover with banana ice cream on top. Fruits and vegetables are the key to healthy living. No, I didn't draw it, I was too busy enjoying it.

In order, left to right: sweet and sour pork (rarely if ever a sober choice), Hokkien oyster omelette (delicious, should make it again sometime), chili beef (great over rice with gravy), sweet and sour chicken (three billboards on my way to work suggest that everyone in San Francisco loves it. Who are these people?), choi pou faan (a Shanghainese quickie), a bacon cheesburger with melted blue cheese (mmmmm, delicious), a toasty Vietnamese sandwich (and I probably should have one again soon), and a Chicago Italian beef sandwich with jus (which I have never ever had, but you can get them in San Francisco now, so I should).

Seriously, I pity little Herbert and Winthrop, living with that bitter ass Vegan, Gertruda. They'll probably need therapy when they grow up, as well as scads of lovely food porn filling up all the available space on their hard drives.

Better not let your supervisor catch you viewing food porn.
She'll want to drool over your shoulder if she does.
Probably why your drycleaning bill is so high.

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