A FLYING PANDA!

Courtesy of the apartment mate, to whom I forwarded the data that bumblebees are not vicious (more like flying miniature pandas, really), and that therefore Sydney Fylbert's evil plan to hire a bumblebee to do in the little girl hamster, so that, as a turkey vulture and therefore a "waste disposal expert", he would be called upon to deal with the cadaver ("let's see, Béarnaise, or mustard-caper sauce?"), will come to naught, the following account.

[And bear in mind that Sydney Fylbert is a turkey vulture, the bumblebee is named 'Habsburg', and we've been told that the little girl hamster ('Clarissa') is shaped like a delicious meatball, but to Sydney Fylbert's dismay has had training in martial arts, and knows exactly where a turkey vulture's "hurty places" are located. Hence the need for a hired goon.]

CITE:

I imagine Sydny Fylbyrt making a fatty "narp!" sound of self-satisfaction when his Craigslist ad is answered by Habsburg.

Telling the drone to go forth and do in the Little Girl Hamster.
"How so?" asks the striped one.

"Just do it!" squawks back the turkey vulture, flapping his wings in agitation. Did he have to think of everything?
What was the matter with the Help you got nowadays?! No damned initiative!

Habsburg returns, looking depressed.
"Well, Little Girl Hamsters don't scare easily. I thought I'd sneak behind her and yell, 'BOO!' and she'd at least faint. Instead she asks, shouldn't I be busy, making honey? I told her that I wasn't One of Those.
So she asked what did I do all day? I told her I was fond of gin rummy.
And gin.
Say, you got any? I'm thirsty."

Sydny Fylbyrt scowled mightily.
Stupid assassin!
"Why didn't you just STING her to death?!"

"But, look. I'm not One of Those."
Habsburg turns around and waggles his BEE-hind in Sydny Fylbyrt's face.
The bee-hind is as harmless as a baby's bottom.

"Well, here! Take this! Stab her with it!!!!!," Sydny Fylbyrt hisses, thrusting a makeshift weapon into two of Habsburg's appendages.

Habsburg wobble-flies off, fantasying himself as a 1930s gangster.
"You dirty rat! Youse gonna eat hot lead, see?"
The drone wishes that the pencil stub weren't so big and heavy, but a rent-a-thug has got to make do.

******************

Hapsburg later limps backs to Sydny Fylbyrt.
Both of his eyes are black and he has a bandage around his noggin, and an appendage in a sling.

END CITE

Male bumblebees, as you should know, normally spend all day in gin joints, sipping cocktails, playing cards, and occasionally checking Craig's List on their cell-phones for employment.

The internet age has been a blessing.



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