DELICATE BLOSSOM

There are some people out there who mis-apprehend that Chinese girls are demure little Asian flowers. And, seeing as my apartment mate is a Chinese girl, they sometimes have completely the wrong idea.

Yes, she is little, in that she is fine-boned, shorter than me by about four and a half inches, and weighs considerably less than the average white or black woman of her age (forties). And if by 'demure' you mean 'anti-social' (not a people person), then yes that too; demure as all git-out.
But in some ways she's a giant.

Man o man, her mouth.


"I've had it up to here with old Chinese arse!"


Recently she did some regularly scheduled volunteer work with a local charitable organization that deals with elderly Chinese. Whenever she does that, I can expect to come home to a vitriolic accounting of something one of those creaky delinquents pulled.


"Don't use onions, you'll fart like white people!"


My cooking sometimes disturbs her. She's known me for years, but still presumes that white people can't cook worth blazes, which is a mostly subconscious belief to which I likewise subscribe. Most white people, in the United States. I've been cooking since I was in my single digits, and read the Larousse Gastronomique cover to cover in early adolescence.
But many Wasps in this country are "special".
Do not allow them into the kitchen, they'll hurt themselves.
I had never heard the fart thing before.
That's a new one.

Apparently we white people fart a lot
Something unique.


"Aaaack, oh shit! Tell him I'll call back!"


She was in the bathroom when she said this. Earlier she had been speculating about the effect of over-ripe fruit on the digestive system. Her boy friend called while she was taking a powder.

I quoted her verbatim, of course, and explained the circumstances prior to her loo-visit, as I do not want him to ever think that she is a demure little Asian flower, all delicate and sh*t.


"It's lobster time, bitches! In your face!"


Her annual check-up proved that she is healthy as a horse, trim and fit, and has exceptionally good cholesterol levels. Despite consuming milk and cheese in great proportion. As well as bacon, butter, icecream.
Crustaceans are bad for your cholesterol.
And so are animal fats.
Plus dairy.

But nope. Time to celebrate.


"Gluten-free tastes like crap!"


Crap was not actually the word she used.
And she is absolutely right.
It does.



She's a very sweet woman.
And extremely considerate.




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