At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS

When I came back to the United States, which I had left when I was two and a half years old, there were many things about this place that disturbed me. Bread (felt like toilet paper, probably tasted like it too), coffee (weak scorched slop), tea (herbal muck), beer (good gracious!), the drinking age (ridiculous), the complete absence of spices and chilies (because America never conquered a place with good food), the religion (you are all deity-obsessed loons), and girls.

Yes, that is right. I had never been on a date.

I was a rather innocent eighteen year old.

And, like all teenage boys, many of my conscious thoughts were about teenage girls. Not that I had any idea what to do about them.
But I knew they were important.



THE DATE


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZdFXcA_x0c.]


You will be glad to know that I no longer obsess about teenage girls. Unless, of course, they think and act like Ranma, Akane, and Shampoo, in which case I would keenly wish to observe, especially when they kick someone (Happosai) through the roof, but only from a safe distance.

I suspect that that manga may not be based on real world events.


In the years since I first arrived back in the Bay Area, the bread has improved, many Americans have grown to like coffee and it is often available in most large urban areas, and my taste for beer faded.

In the case of women, I have discovered that a conversation is only possible if they've taken hard subjects in school. And even then.


Americans are still drinking sh*tty tea.





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7 Comments:

  • At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Marshall said…

    And you don't like American cigarettes either, right? Even though the American continent invented tobacco?

     
  • At 7:45 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    The type of tobacco used nowadays was not native to North America but the Caribbean (Nicot. Tabacum, introduced by John Rolfe), and cigarettes were invented by the Turks, popularised initially by the English.

    No, I do not particularly like cigarettes. Are you saying I should?

     
  • At 7:50 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    As a pipe and occasional cigar smoker, you will understand I hope that I do not like cigarettes.

    But if you want to enjoy them, please go right ahead.

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Anonymous Marshall said…

    But you like non-American cigarettes, no? Galoises et gitanes?

     
  • At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Faggies said…

    It is kind of perverse to focus on the cigarettes. Seeing as she didn't mention them.

    Marlboro, Camel, Kent, Parliament, Kool, Lucky Strike, Tareyton, Benson & Hedges, And, of course, American Spirits. Which is a subsidiary of RJ Reynolds. Reynolds is 42% owned by British American Tobacco in the United Kingdom.

    There are no great American cigarettes anymore.

     
  • At 7:12 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    I don't smoke cigarettes.

     
  • At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Marshall said…

    Faggies: Who is "she"?

    BotH: Why not give them a fair chance? I'll smoke ANYTHING.

     

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