DO NOT MOVE TO THE SALT FLATS

Did I mention the dead seagulls yet? That's what you'll be eating if you go live in the salt flats. And there are no apple turnovers there either. Or chicken thighs. Those are among the many reasons why you should stay here.


And your lovely rattle? They'll take it away and trade it for Olde English 800.


These are kindly words of advice, to dissuade you from making any rash decisions.
We realize that you are very young, and have not given this mature consideration.

They have been brutalized by their environment there, and will brutalize you.
Besides, you are a city boy, all candy-ass and stuff.
You won't survive there.



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LETTER BOX.
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