CHINESE FOOD MAKES ME THINK OF KANSAS

Rice porridge can often be a luxurious dish. Which many or most Americans would not know, because rice porridge ('congee') is a rarety in most of the country, and seldom on the menu in those Chinese restaurants that do not have a sizeable Chinese clientele. Also, because it is more of a Cantonese thing, Chinese restaurants serving Hunan ("I'm Cantonese but I can't actually cook"), Szechuan ("I learned that you all like hot crap, and I've got plenty hot crap"), Mandarin ("I serve snooty yet rather mediocre stuff to white people"), or Palace Cuisine ("I'm sending five kids to college and my bitch ex wife has a palatial house in the suburbs") would probably not do it anyway. Too much explaining for the Caucasians, and too homely for the wandering exile.


Brutal over-simplification: If a Chinese restaurant catering to a mostly white clientele did NOT have sweet'n sour something, kung pao something, General Tso's something, chow mein, and eggrolls on the menu, plus walmut prawns, they'd be out of business pretty quick.

All of these are a welcome break from that most American of preparations, the tuna casserole. Second only to pizza or mac'n cheese.

Mmm, yeah.

And of course I can understand that; if I were living in Kansas I too would want to get rich quick and leave. There is no future there, and everything is flat, and monotonous. Plus the place is filled with Protestants and tornadoes. All of which are good reasons to despair.
And Missouri is right next door! The horror!


Because I live in San Francisco, near a Chinese neighborhood, I have no such boundaries. The last time we had a tornado here was oh like never. Ever.
The closest we come to Kansas is the KC Royals.
A baseball team from Missouri.
Whom we beat.


Congee with conpoy, lean pork, and century egg. Easy to make at home too. 瑤柱皮蛋瘦肉粥 ('yiu chyu pei daan sau yiuk juk'). In Kansas you'd have to order the conpoy and century egg from Amazon, and rice would be trucked in occasionally. Scallions, you could grow.

The caffeinated beverage afterwards could be faked.
As could the decent smoke to finish.
Camel cigarettes.



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