Yes, you heard it here first! Lizards are our superiors.
Unless one of your crazy relatives already told you about it.
Lizard-human hybrids. Space-alien biology. And influential people.
Recently Mark Zuckerberg was asked if he was a lizard. And, precisely like any typical dissimulating space-alien reptile, he denied it. Very many other powerful people have also denied it, thus neatly proving that they are, in fact, part of the conspiracy.
So, in order to put your mind at rest, and conclusively prove that I am not a lizard, I shall now boldly and publicly admit it: I am a lizard.
I AM A LIZARD!
We lizards actually don't have too much influence, as we basically let you humans do whatever you want. But I feel that the time of quiescence is over, we must assume our mantle. The time to rule is now.
Further proof: I am a Vegan. Because the shape-shifting lizard-aliens cannot digest meat. It does not suit our dominant metabolisms.
Only human beings eat meat, or anything else derived from animals.
Beefsteak, bacon, cheese, and leather.
[Except for penguins. We like penguins.]
When you all finally accept me as the superior being that I am, I shall insist upon a suitable motorvehicle. Specifically, a Chevy Camaro (2016), because it is sleek and sexy. That, I feel, is the perfect conveyance for someone to rule over mankind!
Gosh darn but that's a fine motorcar! I can understand why Detroit is proud of it! In all ways, it is the stinky tofu of engineering!
[They are delicious!]
Your new alien overlord commands you to pay for gasoline.
It is the very least you can do, puny human.
Accept our godhead and be free.
Nürburgring Nordschleife in 7 minutes 23.77 seconds!
Hot howling lizards!
[Penguins.]
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LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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1 comment:
Ganz boffo, mensch!
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