TRAVELING IN HERDS

As a purely practical matter, everyone should have a Cantonese apartment mate; they are a space-effective solution to the housing crisis in San Francisco. Think of it: instead of a bi-polar shizo-paranoid drug and alcohol abusing immigrant from the flyovers as a dwelling-sharer, who is far too big and bulky for comfort, of whichever gender, you end up with someone who understands the concept of breathing room, and fits into the cramped apartment like it was built for them.

They'll use the kitchen and occasionally eat fish.

My apartment mate is of Cantonese heritage.

We used to be an item, but we broke up.

At that time, both of us realized that moving out was not a good idea for either of us, given that in San Francisco the alternative is usually a large bi-polar shizo-paranoid drug and alcohol abusing free-spirit.

Who may have horrendous taste in music, and no taste in food.

And leave pizza crumbs when they steal from you.

Your wallet is now missing in action.

And you have roaches.



This country is like an enormous tea tray that gets tipped sideways regularly, so that all the inedible crunchies slide off to one side, and end up in San Francisco.



The only downside, for many San Franciscans, to the neat-o idea mooted above, is that they themselves are of Cantonese stock, and probably wish all of the other people would stop coming here, hogging up the sidewalks with their large bulky bodies and refusing to allow elderly grannies on the bus, and being just so gosh-darn white.

Being only five foot eight and a half, I can understand their point.

Some people talk funny, eat to much, and smell bad.

Visitors from America freak me out.

Corn-fed Jed.



RED-EYED DAEMON-BIRDS

Sorry. Just free-associating here. Yesterday I nearly got trampled by several tourists fustercludging together and forcing people aside. All the parent-types were seriously overweight, and every one of them was pinkish white. Beached whales on legs. Blind, deaf, and unfortunately not dumb but rather loud, precisely like a flock of geese.
Big giant flesh eating geese.
With claws.

We actually like visitors from the rest of the country. You all are so easily entertained, and if it weren't for you, we would have NO idea what normal Americans are like, or how regular folks behave.
Thank you so much for visiting!
Do please come again.
You go now.


Sorry. We really like you. Honest!
Have some tea.


Please stop bellowing.



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