ONE SOCK

The sock is lonesome. It probably experiences existential angst, due to its solitary state. But it is extremely clean, as I washed it thoroughly. It lay by the side of the road, single and abandoned, when I found it and took it home.

It is a Hello Kitty Sock. Size approximately four or five years old.
Presumably female. Possibly Chinese.

That last speculation is because I found it in a neighborhood where many Chinese live, as well as some artistic white people who are between their twenties and mid-thirties, which is not yet breeding age for Caucasians.
And the sock is far too small for an adult to wear. Even a Chinese adult.
I know this because I looked at my apartment mate's feet this morning.
She is modest in the pedal extremity department. Yep, sock too small.
She would no doubt be distressed had she seen the sock.

"What", she would have asked, "is my crazy Caucasian apartment mate doing with a child's Hello Kitty sock?" And "where is the other one?"

So I hid it.

Several years ago I saved a small pink teddy bear sitting at a bus stop late at night, recently it was a Hello Kitty sock. Not the same person.

I also have two rescue monkeys and another teddy bear.


凱蒂貓襪子

I wonder how the little girl lost her sock. Does she miss it? Were it and its match maybe her favourite footwears?

My mind's eye sees a tyke hobbling home, disconsolate, one foot bare, the other shod. It upsets me that no one thought to help her rectify the problem. Children's feet are tender, the streets of San Francisco are hard and mean.

Years from now she'll recognize the lost sock in my possession and thank me profusely. Childhood memories will come flooding back and she'll be well on her way to resolving many of her issues.

Undoubtedly.

定白痴呀你！點解你保存一隻細女襪？怪怪傻傻咁!
['Deng baak-chi ah nei! Dim-gaai nei bou-chuen yat jek sai neui maat? Gwaai-gwaai so-so gam!']
Approximate translation: "what a kind man!"


Existential angst ("existenzangst") translates to 存在主義的焦慮 ('chuen joi chu-yi dik chiu-leui'). 存在主義 is an almost nonsensical phrase ("remaining at principal conduct"), 焦慮 ('chiu-leui') is angst, anxiety, dread.


Naturally, the single sock made me think of the passage below.


THE CALM LEADERSHIP OF THE OFFICER CLASS MADE THE BRITISH ARMY WHAT IT IS

Ainsworth: "What's, uh, all the trouble, then?"

Perkins: "Bitten, sir, during the night."

Ainsworth: "Hmm. Whole leg gone, eh?"

Perkins: "Yes."

Ainsworth: "How does it feel?"

Perkins: "Stings a bit."

Ainsworth: "Mmm. Well, it would, wouldn't it? That's quite a bite you've got there, you know."

Perkins: "Yes, a real beauty, isn't it?"

Ainsworth: "Any idea how it happened?"

Perkins: "None whatsoever. Complete mystery to me. Woke up just now, one sock too many."

Pakenham-Walsh: "You must have a hell of a hole in your net."

[Doctor enters, greets officers present, asks questions.]

Ainsworth: "Yes. Uh, during the night, old Perkins here got his leg bitten sort of...., off."

Doctor: "Headache? Bowels all right? Mmm, well, let's have a look at this one leg of yours, then, eh? Yes. Yes. Yes, well, nothing to worry about."

. . . . .

Doctor: "Erh....., I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's, um, it's NOT a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is very, very small. So small, it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for here is, I think, and this is no more than an educated guess, I would like to make that clear, is some multi-cellular life form with stripes, huge razor sharp teeth, about eleven foot long, and of the genus Felis Horribilis."

[End cite]


From Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, First Zulu War, 1879.
Somewhat abbreviated for, uh, clarity.





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