It turns out that my readers this week had one thing on their minds. And really, they should be ashamed of themselves, the ruddy freaks. One post outranked all other posts combined, and it is possible that rather than a school project with all of them ending up here by virtue of stout research, that juicy piece was passed from hand to hand like a cheat sheet.
Last week the news was full of masturbating Chinese.
Which may have brought many readers here.
Looking for a Cantonese Pervert.
AKA 'haam sap lo'.
鹹濕佬
HOW TO BE A PERVERT
No, that essay doesn't tell you how to excel at 'haam sap'. Just use hairgel, okay? And don't zelfbevredig too much, it causes blindness in lab rats. Instead of striving to be a rancid deviant, how about becoming an upstanding member of society?
As I am.
Me and my zesty blog are the LAST place you should look for lessons on being a slime-o-zoid. Through no fault of my own I haven't seen a wiggums in so long I'd probably spray it with roach poison. There is no operative randy dandy here. In theory I know how to be a lively devil, but in practice my high standards coupled with the distaste of this modern age for crusty old geezers prevent anything from happening.
Again, hair gel. Shiny shirt material. Sound like you're oozing. Make the "eye see panties" stare your own. Don't join the army, wherever you are.
Use far too much Axe Body Spray.
Lisp deviantly.
AFTER WORD
On the other hand, if instead of freaking people out, you really want to get to know someone, the phrase "miss, would you like some candy" probably doesn't work. That's just a guess. My ex was working part-time in a candy store when I first met her, so it would have been pointless to ask.
And at that time she considered me a right creep anyway.
Had I asked, she'd have thought me a loony too.
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