At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

YOUR TOBACCO STINKS AND YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE TUNA FISH

No occasion shall go unpunished. The Saint Patrick's Day display: green ("candela") cigars, green pipes, and a selection of Peterson tobaccos, most of which are drecky aromatics, because canny merchants like the Irish know that Yanks and Euries have the taste palette of Parisian whores.
To whom no offense is meant.

Oh, plus Erinmore Flake. Of which I have over a year's supply, mostly the stuff from when it was still made in Ireland, rather than the Orlik product.

[Personal stash. It was an inspiration. Nobody else is getting any.]

I believe Orlik also make the Peterson tobaccos, but somewhere along the line Kohlhase & Kopp were involved. Further research on that issue eventually is required.


GREEN CIGARS?

Because nothing says driving the snakes out better than a double claro or candela wrapper. Favoured by nasty old men with their pants belted at nipple height, and breath that smells of tuna salad sandwiches.
Which reminds a lot of people of Florida.
A very Irish place.

In fact, a candela cheroot is the perfect cap to an evening that featured tuna salad sandwiches. I cannot think of anything better.
Maybe a pint of American beer.

Green pipes are not my style. There's something far too flamboyant about the deep vert émeraude / smaragdgrün woodstain. Plus it fades over time, leaving the pipe a muddy moss colour.

The tobaccos were Irish Oak (a VaPer), Gold Blend (hickory, vanilla, and cinnamon), De Luxe Mixture (walnut and honey), Special Reserve 2014 (refined fruit aromas), 1865 (full-bodied Latakia mixture), Signature Flake (top quality flue-cured leaf), and Founder's Choice. That last consists of Virginias, Burley, and allegedly some Oriental leaf, plus black Cavendish, assertively flavoured with rum, mango, and vanilla. One of the finest aromatics ever made. Of which I have had several bowls.


RUM, MANGO AND VANILLA!

Well, it's more than smokable, sort of. Something Mary down south might like, though her husband Kaz and her cats would look askance. And the cube cut is old-fashioned and interesting. No, I shan't buy it, ever. But I will probably finish the open sample tin over the next few months on days when Hector is working. The last time I smoked aromatics in his presence he called me an unbelievable degenerate and looked nauseated and aghast for the rest of the day. It was a cherry black cavendish, for your information, and I quite enjoyed his reaction more than the smoke. Peterson's Founder's Choice may ghost the pipes in which it is smoked, so I cannot take them with me to the Occidental until several bowls of Balkan Supreme (Arango) or Stokkebye's English Oriental Supreme have been chased through them (mr. Post would kick me the heck out; he hates aromatic shite), but the frisson and the irritation factor are worth it. Abundantly so, in buckets.
Because I am a petty man, and I enjoy sickening Hector.
And this is the perfect tobacco for that.
Had another bowl today.
Delicious.


[Any beginning tobacconist can stock the house-blend bar very respectably by having Arango's Balkan Supreme and Stokkebye's English Oriental Supreme, plus BCA (vanilla flavoured black cavendish), 1Q (far better than a drugstore aromatic and reliable, but meant for people with no imagination and boring old farts), PS Peaches & Cream (fruity-tooty, but slightly more restrained than some of the over-sauced trollops out there), Sutliff's Rum and Maple (old codger tobacco), McClelland 2010 (straight Virginias, reds and brights, broken flake), McClelland 2015 (similar to the previous, with Perique included), and PS Luxury Bullseye (one of the best bulk coin flakes available, solid and decent, a must-stock item). Plus plain ribbon Burley. That's two full English, three top quality Virginias for traditionalists, and four aros for the pervert squad. Two thirds of all pipe smokers are perverts, probably more. Don't forget to creatively re-name the tobaccos: Captain Blucher's Coin, The Sargent's Moustache, Old Scottish Bog, Midnight Madmen, Hobbit Shred, and similar "unique" appellations.]


I really should have opened up a tin of Irish Oak instead for sampling, but that would have been too selfish; one cannot always opportunistically offer the tobaccos one likes, sometimes there has to be something for the unwashed savages.


PETERSON'S IRISH OAK

Tangy and sweet, with a spicy note. Stronger than it seems at first puff, and it benefits from being set aside unopened for a year or two. It is reminiscent of Dunbar, Dorchester, Elizabethan, and tobaccos in that genre, but with more Perique. Kohlhase & Kopp, allegedly. Orlik, probably.

Irish Oak is perhaps one of the finest and most decent pipe tobaccos produced under the Peterson name. It must have been a mistake, or maybe originally developed by McConnell, which would explain a lot.
It seems most un-Irish. Mary apparently likes it also.
Maybe she's drifting away from the aros.
About damned time.


THE GRAPE ESCAPE

One tobacco I really must mention, now that we are speaking about froot loop mixtures, is the grape concoction which was in the development stages about a year ago. There were two versions, both of which I smoked several times. No discernible tobacco flavour whatsoever, hardly a bite, remarkably smooth, and an overwhelming pong of grape soda.
One pipe still ghosted, one not affected at all.
It's a pipe blend for little children.
Kindergarten puffs.


The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that tuna sandwiches need to replace corned beef and cabbage. Fish is good for the brain, cabbage turns it to mush.


If you have to stay indoors with your uncles Padriag and Seamus, because of the beastly weather and the cold frigid rain all the time, you really want them smelling like ruddy perverts. Rum, mango, and vanilla.

It counters the stench of boiled cabbage.

Happy hangover, sickos.




TOBACCO INDEX


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