At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017


For several years I worked in a toy company, where I handled credit and collections. They never allowed me near the creative process, and for good reason. One of the first brilliant ideas I had was the "Little Miss Mayhem Junior Size Chainsaw". With a range of personalizational accessories!
Decals! Pink carrying cases! Tattoos! Studded pink belts!
It teaches her skills and assertiveness.
And it's cute!

Yeah, no. The head of the design department loved it, because at that point the phrase "it's all about the children" made him physically ill, and the whole idea of soft touchy-feelie non-competitive role-playing while feeding the gentle childish imagination was getting to him. Badly.
But it never went anywhere.
Rather a pity.

Another idea I had was not going to go anywhere either.
Action figures based on dietary preferences.

Vegan. Meat eater. Redneck. Food snob.
Mealie-mouthed gluten-phobe.

You get the idea. Colour-coded, too.

This morning, while fixing my second cup of coffee preparatory to ablutions and leaving for lunch in Chinatown, I had what must be the all-times greatest idea for a toy ever!


Prerecorded, but can also be manually operated. Preprogrammable, and personalizable. Lets you experiment in the privacy of your own home, but also innocuous outdoors. With realistic and variable loudness.
Surprise your friends, surprise your family.
It's educational.

Perfect for little boys, ages five to twenty.

With, of course, a screen that tells you what it is, and teaches you about the various conditions.

Texts like: "the gentle oozing whisper from 'Timmy's' fart box ... "

Or just succinctly "beans, two hour delay."
"Uncle Bob, upon rising."

While I think most parents would love it, because it would keep their little treasure occupied for hours AND teach him something useful, I despair over selling the idea to toy companies and the buyers for large chains looking for end-cap filler. Those folks have no imagination.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:

All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



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