COMES IN SO HANDY

You seldom hear about toilet paper stockpiling anymore. Nearly five years ago it was quite the thing, with suburban Americans fighting each other over the last pallet down at the great parking lot super stores, insulating their Venetian ranch-palazzos with it, filling their fall-out shelters, and sending angry e-mails to their congressmen about all those foreignese-speaking brown people stealing our bumwipe and what is this world coming to?

At that time, the closest people in Chinatown got to panicking was about some basic supplies for stormy weather. Two fifty pound bags of rice instead of one. A few extra cans of luncheon meat and fried dace (鯪魚) with black beans. A back-up bottle of oyster sauce.

The great toilet paper panic was probably mostly suburban.


Kind of Pokémon or tamagotchi for bums
Not something that affected me.

My apartment mate, knowing that white people such as myself were inclined to panic over the state of our sit-upons, always made sure that there was an extra twelve pack or two, and I didn't actually get off my duff to buy any, simply buying a couple of tins of dace, as well as making sure we had a variety of dried noodles just in case the suburbanites came to town looking for trouble.

The only person in this building likely to have worried about sufficiencies of soft yet strong white tissues is religious-tract woman downstairs, because what with being a simple-minded Christian she probably associated with a lot with white people. A trusting sort of person.
Given her faith, she probably believes all kinds of crap.


Because of the extraordinairy weather in some of our southern states, some people have not been able to leave their homes in days. They're mighty glad they stocked up on toilet paper now. It's so warm and cozy! And it can be used for other things! Hygiene for instance!



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