GREAT WITH FRIED EGGS

While rereading something I penned half a dozen years ago, two sentences stood out. In fact, taken together they define my being, in each and every way.
If you ever wanted to know what I am like -- though why you would remains utterly baffling -- then assiduous study of the selected textual fragments will make everything clear.

"Lonely Russian girls would know that I am only interested if they are petite, have dark hair, and blush prettily. Amazon would cease telling me about wholesome Protestant novellas."

Or at least somewhat less opaque.


One further passage in that essay stands out, and upon reflection may be considered slightly incorrect or off-kilter.

"I am only interested in panties, wombats, blushing schoolgirls, and elderly rabbis. Whether you want to sell these to me, or merely show me zesty pictures, is up to you."

Bear in mind that those are strictly intellectual concepts, as the realities of wombats, schoolgirls, and rabbis, would doubtless disconcert me, and conceivably disrupt my comfortable routine.

I do have many interests, though.
That part is true.

In actual fact, that post was meant as a rude comment on the senders of spam, who erroneously thought they had me figured out.
What they imagined was that I was bi-sexual, with minuscule privates both masculine and feminine, as well as short, fat, and balding.
And Christian.

I'll admit to having issues, like everyone. But not that badly.

I am heterosexual, of average height, slightly evil, with a stunning deficit of both panties and Christian faith. I am not a rabbi, but I sometimes play one on the internet.

That isn't sulfur that you smell, but excellent pipe tobacco.

Like Spam and salsa, I am great with fried eggs.

I am at my best in the morning.

But good anytime.




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