Tuesday, January 10, 2023


If you live in San Francisco, it is hard to get a D.U.I. even if you're drunk out of your mind all the time, as many techno-yuppies and young urban professionals or artistic types seem to be. Largely because if you own a car there is nowhere to park it, either before, during, or after whatever you are doing, but also because there is almost no temptation to take the vehicle out for a spin once you have found a space near your dwelling.

It is, on the other hand, common for people to stumble and weave on their way home.

Then fall asleep near or on piles of festering garbage.

Intoxication, ambulation, and collapse.

Which is when the raccoons will come and rifle their pockets. If they had credit cards, they're gone now. The raccoons. Funding for ciggies and cappucinos.

Other than that, raccoons are upstanding citizens.

They take care of garbage, don't shoot up in alleyways, don't rob stores, and are hardly ever involved in drive-bys or other blatant disturbance of the peace. Even near schools.

Unlike many Christians, they don't have a bigoted bone in their bodies.

They don't hoard guns or commit tax fraud.

I like raccoons.

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