Monday, November 06, 2017

REASON FOR GIDDY OPTIMISM

In the coming year, marijuana for recreational use will become a reality in California, and even if you hate weed and think it rots brains, this is good news. Business will boom. No, not the buying and selling of products containing tetrahydrocannabinol per se, but peripheral enterprise.

Stuff containing chocolate, sugar, bacon, cheddar, and salt.

In whatever solid form. Especially crunchy.

Or frozen: bacocheez icecream.


We are heading into a bold new era of supersized vague souls wandering city streets looking for bright colourful signs with words such as "mmm, sweet!" or "crunch babies". The insane preoccupation with gluten-free non-gmo will be over. Within mere months, snackfood emporia will take over macrobiotic spaces, as dreamy whales wander around convinced that yet another bag of purple-coloured snarfies will solve problems, and cause peace in the universe. It's purple, man! The universe!

The day of twenty four hour fastfood on every street is at hand!

I cannot tell you how often I have wished that there were branches of Taco Bell, Burger King, and KFC within two blocks of my apartment at four in the morning. And now, thanks to a vast army of happy mumbling behemoths and their mobility scooters, that will finally happen!


Personally I do not care for marijuana, thoroughly dislike its effects, and think all who consume it to be shitferbrained losers as well as insufferable dicks, but hey, new jobs, opium for the masses, and all that.
Capitalism at its finest.


The medical field will have a field day with all the people eating themselves into heart attacks. And extra-large coffins are a market we haven't even explored, as well as stronger bed frames, personal mobility by Caterpillar or Komatsu, an ever-expanding digestive medications aisle at Walgreens, stretch clothing, lower abdominal fatty deposit support devices, fat fold odour control, and energy pills for the sweaty and exhausted.


All these bright new opportunities!




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