Wednesday, November 15, 2017

GROPING FOR APPLES

This blog has over the years been a showcase of shifting interpretations of reality, often coloured more by my bloodsugar level and caffeine than any objective observation. Sometimes it's an exercise in non-linear thinking.
My visitors may not always realize that this is so.
Or they might embrace exactly that.

Underneath the essay "America's little meatballs", a reader recently posted something prompted by what he (or she) had seen there.
I had suggested that sensible women did not have the usual signs marking them as special creative individuals, and might actually be unobtrusive as regards their unique individuality.

What I wrote was "Best stick with the statistician who secretly reads Gothic novels set in Victorian era girls reformatories, and collects British cook books. At least she looks and acts like a lady, always, and speaks in polysyllabic words of which she knows the meaning.
Yes, the one with delicious handwriting.
"

Gag me! said…

Unpierced small-breasted statisticians?

Now there's a demographic!



Indeed, he (or she) is right. Unpierced small-breasted statisticians are indeed a demographic, and a most appealing one at that. But I do not recall mentioning the bosoms of that type. About which I cannot speculate. The only bosoms I mentioned, as an entirely imaginary verity, belonged to the hypothetical person whom I named 'Madeline Moo-cow, who is tongue-tied and instead flooples her tits in a meaningful way. She is an erstwhile high-school cheerleader.

Another equally non-existent female was Sunchild Moonkarma, who is a vegan and avoids gluten. But her breasts were not even described!

How brilliant of Gag me! to complete the trio of fantastic women by adding details to the hypothetical statistician who reads gothic novels.

Of course she is small-breasted. She has to be! It compliments the bigly boobed ex-cheerleader on the one hand, and suggests quite logically that miss Sunchild is a slack-bottomed pasty new-age type. Probably follows the Grateful Dead around the country, and smokes organic weed.


On the other hand ...

The narrative logic that links intellect to physical attributes is a bit peculiar.
It is quite possible that the brilliant statistician is an ex-cheerleader, and a practicing vegan. As well as frightfully big-boned to boot.
With huge tattooed pert breasts.

That is a disturbing possibility about which I do not wish to think.



Tattoos are very silly.




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