Tuesday, April 05, 2011


There's no point in going home early tonight, as I know what she's wearing.
She's seeing that fellow and won't be home till late.

Since our affair ended she has become a different person.
It's really noticeable in her wardrobe.
She was always *wow*, now she's.... steaming.

[No, I don't want her back. Ever. Not after what she said to me when she dumped me last summer. She expresses herself very well, WHEN she expresses herself. It wasn't deliberately harsh, but Asperger types are not known for tact. They're wired for blunt, and she had kept all of it inside for a while. It's conclusively over. But she remains a roommate and a friend. Comments about her looking good are just an observation.]

Living together is sometimes... painful.
Even if both people are on the spectrum.
What can I say - I'm the sensitive type.
I never thought I'd actually say that.


For several months I've been having dark gloomy moods, usually on weekends, but they're becoming more frequent and pervasive, and are now occurring during the work-week too. Fortunately I'm pretty good at hiding such things from my coworkers, who would be too blitheringly oblivious to notice or pay any attention in any case.

[Savage Kitten wouldn't notice unless I actually said something. She can't read body language worth squat. Aspergers.]

The office is where I hide out when things are not 100% oojah cum spiff.

Today by around teatime grey clouds gathered. You might not have notice it, but we're having foul weather her in San Francisco.
Not at street level but a dozen floors up.
It's that weird climate of ours.

Quiet. Empty. Only one person here. Not hungry.

I could go to the cigar bar..... oh wait, 'R' has a new boyfriend, 'D' keeps mentioning his lover, 'E' was showing off her hot hunkum last week, 'M' and 'K' were kissing each other........
Seeing all those raging hormones is mighty frustrating. They will exhibit so!
Nor do I want to hear the music there, as almost all song lyrics are about love, sex, breaking up, lust, hair, boobies, domestic bliss, trailer troubles.
That, too, is profoundly irritating.

Must remember NOT to rub other people's faces in it if it ever happens again.


For some reason I am reminded of something several years ago, when I was working on a project that was winding down. A few weeks before my contract was up, I became the proud possessor of a stamp which said "controlled copy, property of the ... department, not for general circulation."

I knew my contract wouldn't be renewed, even though they were trying to find slots for everyone. My boss had arranged for his beautiful spambrained boyfriend to take over what remained of my desk, you see. It was obvious and blatant nepotism, but no one was interested in making a stink, for the good of the department.

In the week before the end, I visited the dirty book store and bought several fascinating and educational paperbacks.
'Saigon War Bride's Adventure', 'Piledriver Chicken', 'Prison Heat', 'Second Trimester Blues', 'Pigtail Princess', 'Paddle My Canoe', and others.
Over thirty books.
In those days such things were still widely available, still cheap.

On the last day I came in at five o'clock in the morning, and distributed the books to various empty desks and coffee rooms. Each one stamped "controlled copy, property of the ... department, not for general circulation."

Even as they were shaking my hand and saying what an absolute pleasure it had been to work with me, they had no clue. They never wigged.
I'm actually prouder of that than I am of the excellent work I did for that company.

I suspect that several of the engineers snatched whichever exemplar they discovered, and took it home to read at leisure. Several of them were bachelors, you see.
And keenly aware of that condition.

NOTE: Small feminine readers may wish contact me directly:
If they do, I'll be tickled pink. All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


Anonymous said...

Been there and got the t-shirt. Try playing the songs backwards. I understand it reverses everything. That may be just country music.


e-kvetcher said...

Heck ,there is a whole website called If you watch it backwards

Search This Blog


Some drugs to which people become addicted, which may necessitate incontinence pants, also induce a high quotient of gibberance. Especially ...