Mister Urasmus, you will just have to stop threatening to eat the roomies. Even if miss Trotter looks juicy and delicious. And stop referring to her as "sweet little pigglety person" in that hungry manner.
Angus promised to unleash a can of whoop-ass if you persist. If she does, it will be short, painful, and leave a lasting impression. Do not push her.
Ms. Bruin also objects to your proposal to fry up the piglet.
No, she does not wish to share a plate of bacon.
Oh for crapsakes, the reason that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Apes is not answering the phone is NOT that they are all chowing down on barbecued ribs and pork hocks, but that it's six o'clock in the frikkin' morning, and they're tired of listening to your panicky hysterical tears and demands for protection against your infuriated fellow stuffed critters.
They also think it's unreasonable to want to eat a friend.
Uncivilized, too. They already told you so.
And recommended a banana.
Not along with.
Instead.
Bananas, we have.
Did I already mention that it's six in the ever-loving morning?
Think coffee and a smoke, then ablutions.
Do not think pork.
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