At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017


According to my apartment mate, the Hamptons are full of crazy people. Folks who are whiter than me, and act far more entitled. Why, they are quite insufferable! Which is an unusual point of view.
I was not aware that I act entitled.
In the least.

Of course, she's Chinese American, and naturally thinks all white people act ridiculously entitled.

And she may be right. I'm special, dammit, and there should be locations all over San Francisco that cater to my needs. Clean ashtrays, no hippies or tourists, and hot milk tea. Life would be just wonderful if this city had coffee shops, chachanteng, lunch counters, and Chinatown bakeries with lots of clean ashtrays, no damned hippies or tourists, and hot milk tea.

It's cold outside. A man wants to stay indoors.
Away from the wind, cozy and warm.
With a pipe and a drink.

See, there are also far too many loonies and egomaniacal progressives in this city, and when you are smoking your pipe in a quiet alleyway you will be approached by someone who demands a quarter, or wishes to lecture you on everything you're doing wrong. Which I do not want to hear.
There's also religious people. To whom I do not wish to listen.

And as for the tourists, many of them are very solidly built.

That is all I will say about them right now.

It is cold outside.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:

All correspondence will be kept in confidence.


  • At 2:07 AM, Anonymous B.R. said…

    Hey Mr. OfTheHill,

    Since you're an expert on pipe-smoking, i wanted to ask you a question, even though it has little to do with this post. Basically, can you smoke ppes whle asleep in bed? With cigars, one of my favorite things is to light up a big salomon, put it in my mouth, start smoking, and drift off to sleep, then wake up several hours later to find that I'm still smoking it. Are there any pipes that one can do this with?

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous B.R. said…

    Hey, still looking for advice on this. Thanks.

  • At 7:31 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    I cannot even grasp the concept.

    Years ago we outlawed cigarette paper that would not extinguish if the smoker left the cigarette unattended; we feared that elderly drunks would set fire to their mattress in the middle of the night, or their stack of cardboards at the end of the alley where they had passed out. Or something like that.

    Don't smoke when asleep. That is all.

  • At 1:07 AM, Anonymous B.R. said…

    Can you make a post on this?

  • At 2:54 AM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    You are a f*cking spoilsport. Like, really? I would have expected better from you. You're like the anti-smoking crusaders. All smoking bears an element of risk, but we do it anyway, because the experience is so nice, and the enjoyment factor outweighs the risks. So too with smoking in bed, while falling asleep, whether drunk or not. It's soooo good. Have you even tried it?

  • At 7:14 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Melissa, if you want to fall asleep with a lit cigarette in your mouth, drunk or otherwise, who am I to stop you?
    Go ahead.

    Maybe I'll read about you in the papers some day.

    I don't think it's particularly sensible, but much of what happens in this country indicates that that is not a motivating factor for Americans.

  • At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    A cigarette? What do you think I am, a boor? I actually _care_ about quality tobacco, thank you very much, which is what led me to your blog. I smoke CIGARS at bedtime. Why do you jump to assume _cigarettes_?!

  • At 9:54 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…


    Response here


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