THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ARE PARADIGMS, BITCHES, PARADIGMS!

She's all about energy and positive things. Jesus Christ. Are YOU all about energy and positive things? Because if you aren't, you just don't measure up to the standards of some rich dingbat on the Real Housewives. Frankly, the only reason to watch that show is to be astounded by the self-importance and conceit of typical American women.
Vicious she-sasquatches.

Of whom there are an increasing number in San Francisco.
They come here for the hipsters, obviously.


Girls, just bang one at random and bag him, then take your brand new husband-thing and go back to where the eff ever.


You're breathing our air.


On a slightly different note, there ought to be a big sign at San Francisco Airport saying "Trigger warning; you are about to enter a zone with gluten, animal protein, dairy products, and nuts." That way the tourists wouldn't ask stupid complicated questions. They have that at the airport in Hong Kong, and consequently no one there has to deal with dingy white people whining about stuff they can't eat. They just go straight to a McDonalds restaurant and order the vegan special. Sawdust McNuggets.
With kale and blueberry ketchup.

As a tourist, you probably want the one in Wanchai, conveniently close to drunken Australians and Europeans, wah, so sexy! 麥當勞； 地址: 灣仔柯布連道2號地下B，C及D4舖。It is particularly known for 美國菜、漢堡包 (American Food, Honpo bao). Bon appétit!


IMPLANTS!

The other reason why my apartment mate watches "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" is for the sheer wreckage that those women represent. Fake boobs, fake chins and noses, eyebrows, lips, tummy tucks, arse tucks, thighs, tans, attitudes, and insults. No CGI, no special effects;
their shitty facades are real.

And there are commercials for things that folks in the suburbs eat.
Which look incinerated, and not even edible.

Not only bright red glazed chicken extrudite drumstickettes, also gluten-free breadsticks, chips, dips, low fat crap, and Caucasian burritos!

Plus home goods and perfect apartments.

Beauty.


I think she's jealous of women who can make racy videos with their boobs hanging out. That's something that as a Chinese American she's incapable of. And even though I'm white, as a man I cannot do that either.
I'm just not equipped with wrecking balls.

It must be awe of cleavage. Most people of Chinese ancestry do not have excessive amounts of that, and if they are Cantonese they just love white people showing all their warts in public.

Oh, and chest freckles!

Northern Chinese women ("Mandarin speakers") sometimes do have big breasts, but those aren't entertaining in the slightest, what with those folks claiming to be distant relatives. That's so embarrassing!

"Please stop doing that!"

There's a scene in Ranma½ where after the lead character has changed into a girl (don't ask, it's complicated), one of Mr. Tendo's daughters pokes him/her in the bosoms, to see if they are real. Poinka poinka poinka!
Which they are, of course. I am certain that my apartment mate would like to do that to some Caucasians, but she would be disappointed.
Nobody is that real.



If it were up to me, that show would never be on. It is torrid, and well-nigh unwatchable. Presumably there is better stuff on teevee. But my apartment mate is fascinated by the queer antics of white people.
In which I prove disappointing.
I'm normal.




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