GENERAL YANG'S VEGAN CHICKEN

Ben Stein misses the brand of pancake syrup with the large happy black woman on the label. And I feel his pain. I miss the brand of tofu with the shrimpy white dude. Marin Hippy Farms sloppy soybean crap, made with lots of positive vibes and nurturing thoughts by gluten-free Caucasian spiritual people wearing tie-dye.

The feels, man.

During my years at the Indian restaurant, we put a tofu dish on the menu. Predictably, the only person who ever ordered it (in nearly ten months) was white.

By that time the tofu had gone bad.


There aren't enough stupid white people to sell stuff like that. The owner sadly thought that there would be more of them. But spiritual white people stay away from flavour; they find it highly suspect. Tofu sandwiches. Gluten-free white bread.


White people and their queer food hang-ups are in several ways dangerous to good eating. "Let's put a stupid stereotype on the label and sell it to middle class suburbanites!" "Oh yeah man, they love ethnic sludge if we white-ify it enough." "How about a freezer pack of sweet 'n sour pork with a fat and happy Southern Cracker on the label?"


"Bubba Green's down-home zesty hog stew; that's good eating!"


Meat free. Gmo free. Salt free. Gluten free. Spice free. And taste free.
But there is a smiling spokes model on the package.

With extra sugar, grease, and food colour, you can sell it in the Red states.


Yeah, you know, Ben Steing can go piss up a rope.



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