Monday, February 20, 2023

AND TAKE KAREN WITH YOU

What if you're a woman? What if you're a woman who needs to step away from the table? Somewhere in San Francisco, where I live, there should be a lovely women's room, with a tray of pads and tampons, a big bowl of chocolates, and a door to a smoking room with comfy chairs. Because, of course, taking a break from dreary prattle should not subject you to street people coming up and importuning you. "Hey lady, got a cigarette?" "Yo, sweetie, wanna give me one of those Oliva Melanio Serie V Figurado cigars?" "Why hello little miss, lend me your Charatan pipe and that tin of Capstan Flake once you're done!"
No young lady wants to share her briar pipe.
It might taste bad afterwards.
Like vanilla.


"Hey, sweetie, pot, crack, mushrooms! Check out this watch!"


It would be in a meat restaurant, of course, because Berkeley and Marin Vegans and Karens would otherwise discover it and be triggered, and it should also have an intercom so that you could order a dry Martini. Or, perhaps, some sherry.
Sherry is a nice refined lady-like drink.
So is Bourbon.


Despite the boring prattle of the men still at the table, she's enjoying herself. Perhaps she should have brought a mystery novel in her purse? Next time. In addition to the Charatan or Comoy pipe and the tobacco. It's not necessarily Capstan, it could also have been Rattrays' Brown Clunee, or Samuel Gawith's Golden Glow. Perhaps Greg Pease's Union Square. Or Fillmore? Red Virginias and Perique, light press, broken flake with a little age on it. To quote: "elegant sweetness and delightful piquancy, enhanced by a creamy richness that develops throughout the bowl. Sit back, and enjoy a lovely, leisurely smoke!"
Sounds perfect for a women's room getaway!

I'm gibbering, of course, because the idea of women off in private after a good meal enjoying sherry, mystery novels, and a good smoke is just so lovely. As a man I'd be stuck listening to the other men spouting stupid opinions about sports and politics at great length, but keeping my own counsel and just waiting till the moment I myself can escape and light up. In private. With a glass of sherry and a good book.
For lunch today I'm thinking about tofu and meat, fried with chilipaste plus whole chilies, and some spices. Except that I'd have to go down to Chinatown to purchase the meat and tofu, so I might as well eat something tasty there, then enjoy my pipe afterwards.
It's International pipe smoking day today, whatever that means.

All of you Karens and Vegans should light up!

You might actually enjoy it.



NOTE: Good tobacco should NOT be drenched with flavourings, and the State of California, in recognition of that fact, has outlawed ALL flavoured tobaccos, which are enjoyed by big hairy muscle men with tattoos who wear camo and collect guns. Naturally, I expect those people to now leave, and head toward places like Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas. Where men are men, and everyone else isn't.
Praise Jesus and MTG.
Leave.



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