Monday, December 23, 2019


Home. Need only buy some cheese for the holiday, and pick up my refills. Three hectic days at work done, pau hana time. Sausages! And while I shall enjoy the post-holiday let-down everyone else will experience, I shan't rub it in. Y'all didn't get your exboxes and new American cars; some of us don't need those boxes, and we live in SF so there's no place to park.

I do need to call my uncle and aunt in Canada, to wish them a merry Christmas, happy Festivus, and joyous whatever... I suspect they celebrate 'Orthodox Kwanzaa', what with being in a foreign country and so white they glow in the dark, which won't happen till January Eighth. Julian Calendar.

But no matter. On Christmas, good little boys and girls get presents from the Xmas Python, which slithers down their chimneys and regurgitates lovely things for them, bezoars and such. Bad little children get enveloped in coils of his strong body and crushed till all their bones shatter, which is exceedingly painful, then swallowed whole, never to be seen again.

So look deep within your soul to determine what your fate will be; if you hear faint scaly sounds in the middle of the night, or any hissing, it's the python coming to get you. Your parents won't save you.

No. They'll be thinking of having another kid, or adopting one.

A new and better kid; one less prone to waking up in the middle of the night screaming, more obedient too, and cleaner.

I'm a ruddy joy to have around at holidays. That probably explains why my nearest kin live in Calgary.

"I got a lotta problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about it!"
---Frank Costanza

From Wikipedia:
"Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as an alternative to the pressures and commercialism of the Christmas season. Originally created by author Daniel O'Keefe, Festivus entered popular culture after it was made the focus of the 1997 Seinfeld episode "The Strike", which O'Keefe's son, Dan O'Keefe, co-wrote."

"The non-commercial holiday's celebration, as depicted on Seinfeld, occurs on December 23 and includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, practices such as the "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength", and the labeling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles". The episode refers to it as "a Festivus for the rest of us".

End cite.

Such celebrations aren't truly being observed until someone (let's call him or her "George") is weeping and having a breakdown.

Don't be George.

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