Where the heck did Baby Yoda come from?!?
Apparently there's a "Baby Yoda Frappuccino" at a popular coffee chain, which has been called "inspired", and "the most adorable" drink ever.
Matcha Green Tea Frap. Caramel syrup drizzles. Whipped cream and caramel ribbon crunchies on top, whatever that is or those are.
To say that I am on the fence about this is a colossal understatement. Nor have I seen a single episode of the television series from which the character on which this drink is allegedly based derives.
And frankly, the drink sounds disgusting.
Diabetic comas, for fun and profit.
Drinks from back in the stone age, of which I approve: espresso (small shot of steampress coffee), cappuccino ("Kapuziner"; espresso with warm milk foam floating on top), latte ("Franziskaner"; cappuccino with hot milk between the foam and the espresso), milchkaffee (equal parts hot milk and coffee, for children or to help you sleep at bedtime), Vietnamese Coffee (strong drip coffee with a dark roast and chicory, often a little sweetened condensed milk). Ice tea (Southern United States beverage that goes well with grits), English Tea (strong black tea, and either milk or sugar, served in the middle of the afternoon while lamenting those foreigners), Hong Kong Milk Tea (strong black tea made with a little Pu-Erh in the blend, with sweetened condensed milk added, warm, comforting, and if strong enough better than methamphetamine for sending you back up twenty stories of rickety bamboo scaffolding, or pulling a late night at the counting house while waiting for the boss to finally go home).
Espresso, Cappuccino, Latte, Milchkaffee, Cà phê đá.
Ice tea. Tea-time Tea. Hong Kong Milk Tea.
So-called American coffee is crap, Dutch coffee is either strong drip coffee or pale variations on espresso. English people can't make coffee.
Irish coffee was invented in San Francisco for alcoholics.
The preferred smokes with all of these are, for pipe smokers: Latakia blends or good Virginia mixtures, no aromatics whatsoever you damned heathens.
For cigarette smokers: State Express non-filter 555 smuggled in from Asia, Woodbines, Gitanes (no longer available dammit) and Gauloises (see 'Gitanes'). Or ryo dark Dutch shag tobacco (e.g.: Javaansche Jongens).
Cigar smokers: een tutiknakje van Hajenius, of een Glorie Van Java (Oud Kampen). Outside of the civilized world substitute a Panter Cigarillo.
Do you see syrup anywhere in these items? Well?
Syrup coffee drinks are heresy.
Destroy with fire.
I wish to register strong Calvinist disapproval of all this.
On my second strong cup of coffee this morning. The pipe is a Kaywoodie Export (push tenon, no fills, old briar) squat bulldog that I've had for years, loaded with a Virginia blend including thirty percent dark flake from the previous century, plus red and blonde cake, with a smidgeon of Perique.
It fills the air with an ancient perfume. It's raining outside, and I dread the prospect of going up the hill to do laundry. Perhaps I should fry up some sausages instead, and be a vegetable for the rest of the afternoon?
But I will head over to C'town for a cup of milk-tea later.
There are some things I cannot omit.
Must be active.
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1 comment:
I worked as a barista about twenty years ago and so my taste in caffeinated beverages was changed forever. However, with the onset of age and hypertension, I can no longer indulge in the much lamented shot in the dark, which provides energy for hours.
My coffee and tea skills go mostly unused these days as Herr Doktor W drinks neither, and allows himself only tisane. I must, however, bring your attention to one coffee drink you neglected to mention, the New Orleans chicory coffee. To locals of southwestern Louisiana it is quite nice. To outsiders (even Southerners like myself) it is vile.
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