Friday, October 20, 2017

BABY IN A BOTTLE? IT'S HUGE!

This morning the phone rang at an unreasonable hour. My apartment mate answered it. She angrily interrupted the speaker to say "no, I don't think so, goodbye", then a moment later repeated that more firmly and hung up. On her way back to her room, she mentioned that it was an Indian accented person talking about computer infections.

Consequently I now await another call from Techwallah-bhai in Bangalore or Delhi. This time I shall have less patience than before, because I have researched the company whose name keeps changing.
As well as other computerish options.

No, I don't think so, Ji, goodbye! 你嘅飛翼船係滿晒鰻魚!


Don't call until I've had my coffee. At least two cups.

The resemblance of several Indian techno-accents to Klingon is striking, and Indian technodude-speak is quite nearly as unintelligible. Even the cable company has farmed some of their stuff to Klingonistan.
Impossible consonants, retroflex and uvular hairballs.
It is a brave and fierce new world.

Recently I had a frustrating conversation with a saree-wearer somewhere between Kashmir and Cape Kanyakumari. The fraught exchange with a daughter of the House of Mogh was, eventually, satisfying.
Despite her typical Klingon manner.

You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.


"taH ... pagh, taH be'!".


The theory that Donald Trump is a Klingon halfwit, dumped on this planet out of harm's way, is ever more believable the more you think about it. It would explain his strange communicative disorders and aggressiveness, as well as his more quirky statements. And that, of course, is also the reason why there are two generals in his inner circle. They are there to protect the planet in case he destroys the gods that made him and turns heaven into ashes. We run the risk of our world becoming Gre'Thor.
Because of our moron Klingon.

It also explains his approach to human females.
He deeply desires to bite their clavicles.
And have them throw things.


There is no word for baby bottle in Klingon, nor diapers, nor high chair. Shuttlecraft, phaser, and transporter ionization unit, yes.


Heretofore I had not imagined stuffing a whole baby into a bottle.
Parts, maybe, but not the entire thing.
Now it all makes sense.

Wait until I've finished my first cup of Joe for more startling insight.





(*) Correct pronunciation: 'nei ge fei yik suen hai mun-sai maan yü'.
Explanation: 有啲鰻魚盛產晒了你嘅飛翼船 ('yau di maan yü sing chaan sai le nei ge fei yik suen'). In which 飛翼船 stands in for shuttlecraft AND transporter ionization unit, you understand.





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