Sunday, December 18, 2011

PERFECT PROPORTIONS

Like many single adult males, I speculate occasionally about the sizes of certain garments and body parts.
Part of this has to do with a question all males ask themselves at some point: how big am I?
Meaning usually that they are facing an entire row of slacks and have no idea which ones will fit. In the back of their mind is the datum that when their mother last measured them, they were 32 and 32.
Since then, every year, she has assumed that they have grown a bit, and like clockwork she send them clothing gifts for the holidays.
This year they expect to get something with an inseam length of 32 (she knows that full height has been reached), and a waist measuring seventy plus inches. Like every garment received in the last two decades, it will end up at the local charity shop, advantageously priced at one dollar. Such a steal!

Surely there's a heffalump out there who is going naked?
They remain optimistic.

My measurements are boring in comparison.
Average height. Fairly trim. No beer gut.
I flatter myself that I have a good bottom - but I wouldn't know, seeing as it hasn't been patted in a while, and I am not in the habit of feeling it myself.
Decent posture. Decent proportions.
Medium, with a preference for loose fit.
A typical badger, in other words.


THOSE THINGS. YEAH, THOSE.

It should not surprise you that, like most badgers, I have a keen interest in the female of the species.
Particularly their proportions.
While that usually translates to an obsession with brassiere size, what it means for me is that while brassieres and their contents are indeed matters of interest and keen appreciation, moderation ranks very highly.

Quality always over quantity. Whose are they?

And is she an interesting person?

Can she hold her own?


Women who gesticulate with their bosoms are conversationally impaired.
Breasts should not be a burden. Subtle statements are admirable.
The mammaries mustn't dominate the discourse.

Ideally a woman should have two of them.
Anything more is excessive.


Other than that, I have little to say about breasts.


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1 comment:

couturily amphibious said...

32 waist, 32 inseam, me. Only a bloody nightmare finding pants I would be seen wearing, even in a breadline.

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