Friday, December 02, 2011

FAT, SUGAR, STARCH, AND SALT - THIS IS WHY YOU'RE HERE!

There are several search criteria that never fail to attract readers to this blog. Most of them, as you have probably figured out by now, are for subjects that dominate every waking moment of the reader who stumbles in, very few actually occupy the thoughts of the writer of this blog at anytime.
No need to detail what those are, as they will not be mentioned in this post.

[If you’re curious, this link will bring up posts on those issues: 'Pervert Taunting'.]


FOOD

Recently I posted recipes for cheung fan and jook, which are two of my favourite Cantonese eats.
What both have in common is rice in some form, and an innocent sensuous quality that speaks of comfort, home, happiness.
It’s hard to explain why they have this to most white people, as the vast majority of Wasps are not excited by smooth mild foods.
They are more thrilled by cheese and bacon covered nachos on a bun.
With barbecue sauce and ranch dressing.

Cheung fan is a lovely pearlescent sheet noodle with savoury inclusions rolled up loosely.
Jook is a smooth rice porridge or soup with chunks of meat or fish added.
Both are light yet filling, nice in the mouth, and easy to digest.

Many favourite “white” foods are the opposite of easy in the mouth - think of pizza and fried chicken, for example - and even harder on the stomach.
That’s why there’s an entire aisle of stomach preparations at the drugstore.
Acid indigestion is a way of life, judging by how fondly the pharmaceutical industry treats it.

An hour later you’re hungry again!

Fast-food chains cater specifically to the cheap greasy heavy taste. Attempts to sell healthy fast food are, consequently, both contradictory and self-defeating. The natural response to a bowl of apples on the counter at Archie's Grease-o-Mat is to ask whether they can deep-fry that sucker.
All nice and toasty crunchy brown, please!
Then cover it with processed cheese.
Got some barbecue sauce?

The reason why such things appeal is because they stay with you for hours.
Unlike decent food, which barely makes its present felt.

That yummy breakfast burrito will ruin your lunch, guaranteed. Your acid reflux will taste like stale bacon and rubbery cheese till teatime.
Oh wait - some of you don’t even know when that is.
Sorry - Teatime is four o’clock in the afternoon.
Eight hours after the bacon, cheese and lard-drenched starch began wreaking havoc on your stomach.

But you know something? A nice bowl of jook, or some cheung fan, and you’ll feel a lot happier!

[Posts that list jook are here '', cheung fan can be found by clicking here '腸粉'.]


The lack of gastric distress afterwards may fool you into thinking that you're still hungry.

Why, it even feels like you had nothing at all to eat! There's nothing there!

You could carry around some lard and sugar for just such an emergency...

Or one of those zesty fried apples from Archie's Grease-o-Mat.



AFTER WORD

I actually intended to write about Cantonese American girls and pipe tobacco, but I got distracted.
Which is probably just as well.
Don't want to bore anybody.



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1 comment:

jonathan becker said...

if i have been wrong about EVERYTHING, and there is reincarnation, i would like to come back as a non-jew with money in my pocket and visit you in san francisco and say "hang the expense! i'm here for a month, take me to all of your favorite restaurants, all expenses on me, i just want to know what you know about eclectically authentic dining experience."

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