Wednesday, October 09, 2019

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, BROUGHT TO YOU BY PG&E

In an unprecedented emergency move, Pacific Gas and Electric ("PG&E") has shut off power to millions of clients in central and northern California, due to fire danger. So people have stocked up on gasoline, matches, propane, flame throwers, napalm, and incendiary devices.
Plus generators. Guns. Ammo. And Spam.

NOTHING says coping the all-American way better than tinned meat.

Pork, ham, salt, water, starch, sugar, sodium.

Spam.


"Rations are military food, or battle food. It's for eating during military operations."
"Oh, you mean military food!"
"I know, like luncheon meat."
"You mean the one in Okinawa cuisine, like bitter gourd and tofu?"
"There's luncheon meat sushi too!"
"Eggs and Spam!"
"Eggs and bacon and Spam!"
"Eggs and bacon and sausage and Spam!"
"Spam, Spam, Spam, eggs, and Spam!"
"Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spaaaaam!"
"It's irritating!"
"Spammity Spaam!"
"It's irritating!!"
"Spammity Spaam!"
"It's irritating!!!"
"Spammity Spaam!"
"It's irritating!!!!"
"Spammity Spaam!"
"Are ALL of these luncheon meat?"
"No, there's all sorts of food in here. Like chocolate. And chewing gum!"


Spam is of course family food, because just like a bottle of vodka, once it's opened you have to finish it; it doesn't keep. No doubt you will be pleased to know that I have checked my supplies, there's plenty of Spam. Plus many other canned meats locally available: beef, pork, chicken, American, Canadian, and Dutch. So I'm set. Prepared. Fully equipped.

Well, except for the vodka.

In parts of Napa and Sonoma, people are hosting neighborhood barbecues.
Because with the fridge out, they gotta eat that stuff. And there's vodka.


Grilled Spam and sourdough bread, with sun-dried tomato salsa and an olive and caper tapenade. It's a Bay Area feast.

Have a nap afterwards.



AFTERWORD

Yeah, we're coping. The alligators haven't swum up the creek yet, and I've heard that the yoga workshop is open, for your emergency salabhasana and padmasana. We're burning extra sage: so calming! The care facility has put patients in wheelchairs out in the parking lot, just in case they have to be evacuated down the highway through a wall of flames.
In addition to the vodka, there's plenty of gin.
Plus therapeutic substances.
Om!



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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

PG&E stands for Pacific Graft and Extortion.

M

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