A good friend, who torments us with pictures of epic cakes and pastries he has made, as well as other fabulous food posts, was told by a clothing salesman that he had to slim down. Loose weight. Reduce. Shrink.
He reported:
"... some tragic old man with fake Brillo-pad dyed-blond hair, wouldn’t relent with the condescension and insults of my weight, saying I should start with only carrots and broth... "
He was so upset he had to go eat!
A burger. With onion rings. Plus a shake and a beer.
Knowing how the concept of just carrots and soup stung him, I quickly offered comforting words.
"Eat more broccoli! And wheatgrass! And chew each mouthful two hundred times!"
Soon he'll be able to lift his own weight with his iron jaws. Three hundred times is better. You know, if he became Vegan, he could save the planet.
And the whales.
Never-the-less, I do not ever want him to go Vegan. His lovely pastries and cupcakes and gateaux would end up looking like crap if he did, and all of us would distrust his photos on FB, knowing that they showed inedibles instead of real treats. Should I mention how intellectually stimulating seeing his adventures with baking trays have been? And other luscious stuff. Therapeutic, too.
Carrots. Broth. Rice.
Carrots. Broth. Sisig.
Carrots. Broth. Ribeye.
Carrots. Broth. Risotto.
Carrots. Broth. Pinakbet.
Carrots. Broth. Jambalaya.
Carrots. Broth. Croquettes.
Carrots. Broth. Crab cakes.
Carrots. Broth. Æble skiver.
Carrots. Broth. Pancit molo.
Carrots. Broth. Crispy pata.
Carrots. Broth. Shrimp Louie.
Carrots. Broth. Sole meunière.
Carrots. Broth. Moules frites.
Carrots. Broth. Lobster bisque.
Carrots. Broth. Chili con carne.
Carrots. Broth. Paksiw na lechon.
Carrots. Broth. Brazo de Mercedes.
Carrots. Broth. Oysters Rockefeller.
Carrots. Broth. Adobong manok at baboy.
Carrots. Broth. And a piglet roasting on a spit .
Carrots. Broth. Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top.
Plus bacon, cheese, salsa.
Broth is a starter for sauce, but carrots are damned well useless.
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