PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE PERFECT FEMALE PERSON
Unfortunately women do not exist.
You were mis-informed.
But do not cry yourself to sleep in your pillow yet. There is still fine pipe tobacco. And coffee. Tea. And beaucoup livres de littérature fine, et de jolies images! Life is good.
Several times over the past few days I have mentioned to live human beings one of the pipe smokers groups on Facebook, to which I belong. Yes, pipe smokers. We have our own FeeBee pages. Where we set fire to leaves, and talk about doing so. It is a limitless source of selfies of bearded gentlemen, many of whom are tattooed. I do not understand why that is. I naturally associate pipe-smoking with tweeds or similar materials, decent haircuts, trim beards if any, and a somewhat collegiate behaviourial habitus.
Not clothing twixt pimp and military dictator.
And Gandalfian facial hair and pipe.
Or berserk self-inking.
Fortunately there a number of people there who abjure or abstain from aromatics (preferring Latakia or Virginia-Perique blends), select calm and rational pipe shapes that excite no comment from the non-participatory members of society (rather than "goodness, you must have penis issues!"), have hair which looks normal, and dress in socially acceptable fashions.
No tattoos, no handlebar moustaches, no nose rings.
Refreshingly normal intelligent people.
People just like you and me.
A small percentage of pipe smokers are women.
As far as I know they're married.
To pipe smokers.
Finding a civilized man who also smokes a pipe, and acts normal, is probably one of the deciding factors in getting hitched.
Sort of a "what the hell why not?" situation.
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