THE EVIL IN THE HEARTS OF MEN

One of my coworkers is trying to kill me. There is no other logical explanation. No, please do not tell me I'm paranoid.
I am a sensible person, not given to flights of panic.
At all times I weigh the possibilities, and come to the most likely conclusions.
My coworker is an evil monster.

That is why he's put chocolate in the kitchen.
This morning it was Scotch Mallow Easter Eggs from See's.
I manfully resisted. With all the willpower I possess I only had one.

This afternoon it was divine little dark square truffles, made by the loving hands of several anonymous French persons.
They were rich and delicious.
I ate three.
Six.

There is still a large bar of exquisite dark chocolate in the office kitchen.
Handcrafted, using only the finest ingredients available.
Including hickory smoked uncured bacon.
And alder-smoked salt.

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?!?

I lament man's inhumanity to man.
At this hour I am the only person left in the office.
Bacon and chocolate. Two very good things. My brain is going to explode.

It is due to this very unseasonal surfeit of chocolate that I now know that there are people called "research confectioners". As well as "confectionary engineers", who design and build 'extruders'.
Hard sweets. Fondant. Couverture versus compound chocolate. Sorbitol. Soy lecithin.
Polyglycerol polyricinoleate, which is lipophilic.

Conching: the chocolate mixture is placed in a container full of metal balls, which 'grind' the mass for several hours, redistributing the fats ('cocoa butter') over the surfaces of ever smaller particles, thus yielding a smooth and velvety mouthfeel. Volatile components lessen notably during the early stage, less so once the particles are nice and oily. The end result of the conching process is a mild, intense, and well-developed flavour profile.

And some sick bastard also invented a chocolate frog.
As if bunny rabbits weren't bad enough.
Beware the Easter Frog.
He brings flies.
Flies!
That taste like bacon.
Dark-chocolate covered smoked bacon.

Coming up: a holiday for tequila-filled dark chocolate bonbons.
As wells as chocolate covered jalapeños.
And guacamole fudge.


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