PUT TOOTHPASTE ON IT!

An article I saw the other evening detailed a craze for rubbing breasts with toothpaste in an effort to increase their size. Which I had never heard about, and consider the most nonsensical thing to cross my eyes this month.
Toothpaste. On mammary glands.
Fresh and minty.

In addition to toothpaste, women have been known to rub avocados on their chest -- possibly because of the suggestive shape of that fruit, as well as the smooth luscious texture, although it's not a recommended way to make guacamole -- cooking oil (um, okay), chocolate, and peanut butter.

[Suggestion: go with chunky. It's texturally more interesting.]


Obviously I am conflicted about this. On the one hand I want to mercilessly make fun of the goofiness, but I also realize that the typical male breast size fetish is responsible for it. My gender is to blame.

And anything I say about breasts may be held against me.
Some readers will be offended.



So okay. If you want to scrub your breasts with toothpaste, even though it's probably eventually going to cause a nasty skin rash, go ahead.
I support whatever you wish to do with them.

Every day I am in the same rooms as breasts, at various times and in various places, but they are all fully covered, and there is no whiff of toothpaste from any of those people, to my knowledge.
At least not that I've ever noticed.

But I'll now keep a nostril cocked for precisely that.





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